offendedbychoice

I've got a few minutes...

2006-09-19T13:23:00.000-07:00

Don't worry, not destructive nor hopeless. Things have been going rather well. I quit the Game Stop job, which was a HUGE load off. The pressures of working there was making life MISERABLE. Well, okay, not miserable, but not making things any better. Now I am only working at Jim and Patties, and that is real nice. (Side note... The coffee in my cup tastes like soap...) Anyways, aside from being momentarily sick, live has been good.

Don't know if anyones noticed...

2006-09-09T11:40:00.000-07:00

...but I don't actually have a cell phone anymore. Or any way for anyone to contact me AT ALL. But I do live in the big purple barn on 39th and Hawthorne now. And we might very well get a land line, which I would like a lot. So yeah.

Dang

2006-08-12T17:18:00.000-07:00

I'm sitting at the reception hall on Bob's computer. The wedding is going on right now. I borrowed the bride's mom's car (With a suspended license, mind you) to drive over here so her sister could make it to the wedding. I had to stay so someone could oversee everything going on with the caterer, bartender and music people. So now I'm blogging while the wedding is going on. And the kegs have yet to be tapped, so I can't even have a beer...

2006-08-12T13:19:00.000-07:00

In the midst of the fountain of bliss there arises something bitter, which stings him even amid the very flowers.

Lucretius (94? BC - 55? BC)
Roman philosopher and poet.

Where's my butterfly?

2006-08-11T01:01:00.000-07:00

I found a dead butterfly the other day, fully intact. I put it on my windowsill. I think the wind blew it off, and the cats ate it.

Dead rising on the 360 is a lot of fun. You can put a frying pan on a burner and then burn zombies faces off with it.

I'm working at Jim and Patties coffee shop now, and my first day there was the best first day at any job I've ever had.

Joel and Amanda's wedding is Saturday, and I'm excited.

This beer is making my tooth hurt. Time for a dentist visit.

The 28th is a day to be remembered as the best day in a long time.

I'm getting a new phone soon.

I'm looking forward to halloween this year. It looks like it's going to top even two years ago in Seattle.

Mike's Hard Lemonade blended with vanilla ice cream is delicious.

My arm is made out of bolognia. *lick lick* Why am I so delicious?

There is a secret inside of my choco taco wrapper in my room.

Fat people are harder to kidnap. (A bumper sticker on my sister Georgia's car.)

There are zombies in the elevator. Before you get too worried, it was just one.

Large amounts of zombies are best delt with with a soccer ball or a parasol.

They are making another Goonies movie, as well as another Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles movie.

Good enough... for me it's... good enough... for you it's GOOD ENOUGH...

In or around a crib

2006-08-08T01:21:00.000-07:00

Tonight I put a baby for sale on craigslist, under the baby/kids section. The listing price was $1,200, (Very reasonable for a seven month old baby boy named Earl, I think.) Here is an exact copy of the ad, posted at 11:17pm.

"A wonderful baby boy whom I love dearly, I just can't afford a child at this time. My parents do not feel that I am mature enough to be a father, but I am already 16! We agreed $1,200 is the best price for him, but I guess I'm hard up enough to take what I can get. His name is Earl, he is seven months, up to date on his shots, and he comes from a smoke free home. He needs a good and loving home, not my punk ass mom and dad. I could love him if I had the chance."

At exactly 11:37pm, I recieved this e-mail.

"Your posting has been removed by the craigslist community.
Several craigslist readers flagged it for being inappropriate as posted.
Approximately 98% of postings removed by flagging are in violation of craigslist posting guidelines and/or terms of use:
http://www.craigslist.org/about/terms.of.use.html
After reviewing your posting and our policies, if you are convinced that your posting was one of the 2% that are unfairly flagged, feel free to repost.
The flagging system is a work-in-progress, with all the pros and cons of a democracy - Please post ideas for improvement in our feedback forum.
Sorry for the hassle! and thanks for your understanding."

Also posted on craigslist was a response to my ad, telling me I was a "sick sick person" and they were going to inform the police just in case I was serious. Apparently they did, because I am now wanted in the greater portland-metro area.

Dude...

2006-08-07T18:56:00.000-07:00

That was a good post, not a bad one.

The One Thing

2006-08-06T20:56:00.000-07:00

Curley from City Slickers said the meaning of life was One Thing. To each of us there are meanings in our life, something that gives us purpose. Gives us drive, ambition, etc. Be it a person, a job, belief, addiction. Something that makes those long nights shorter, those cold days warmer, and adds an oasis to the desert. No one can predict where or when we find these things, or how long they last in our lives. But when we do, those things are what we fight for, tooth and nail, because to be alone in this world, without purpose, is to not even live at all. I have believed in the past that I have found such things, and sometimes it was true, and real. Some of them still are. Some things were not real, and still I taste the bile of regret from them. But our lot in life is to move on to each new thing. Never letting mistakes take the joy of successes out of our life. Never settling for what simply takes care of us. Always reaching out for what God brings us, each new and beautiful oppertunity to grow, to love, and to live beyond what we thought would be possible for ourselves. Past our limits, past our hurts and dissapointments. We've all failed, but thank God for the new.

I am fighting for this one thing.

Sister

2006-07-23T15:10:00.000-07:00

My sister is back in town, after being gone for a little over a year. My brother Daniel, gone for three years, will be back mid august for a while. It's going to be good times. I don't think I've ever been drunk with him.

One thing I like about myself is how detached I can get when times are bad. Things suck for a while, then they don't. Sometimes circumstances are very much out of our control, (I.E. not getting that job because I am not a hot young girl.) Some of them are. (I.E. Quitting Nordstrom before I knew I had the job.) Nevertheless, things are never really as bad as they seem. I do get sad sometimes, but the overall direction my life is going in right now is quite encouraging.

I had a conversation with one of my roomates the other day about believing in God. We don't ever argue with people when they say they don't believe in God, because the God they think of is precisly the God we do not believe in either. Stern, delighting in misfourtune because it's "good for us", judgemental, etc. It's a tragedy that people leave churches disillusioned, because I believe to a large degree God is disillusioned with what the word "church" has become. If more people understood that God is involved in all parts of our live, working for us, working with us... He allows for us to make our own decisions. He wants to be involved, but He made us who we are, with our desires, needs, pet peeves, ideas, etc. Why would a loving God build us to be one way, only to direct us in another? Nowadays the church makes us feel bad if we try to make our own decisions, to not be in ministries, to drink, to smoke... It is not the churches responsibility to regulate the lives of the congrigation. Rather, we meet to be encouraged, to be taught, to meet new christians and to build one another up in the faith.

At any rate. We looked at that place on belmont and it is BEAUTIFUL. It's a 2+ bedroom ground floor apartment with a loft. It has hardwood floors, two full bathrooms, a rather sizable kitchen... we fell in love. Washer and dryer connections, storage space in the basement, lock-up's for the bikes we don't have but will soon. Across the street from a really nice coffee shop, also across the street from the Triple Nickle tavern, which is also good. We Are Going To Get This Place.

Don't let my sometimes pessimisim fool you, live is quite enjoyable right now. As it is written on this computer I am now using...

"Some things are worth the fight"

Two things....

2006-07-22T13:42:00.000-07:00

One: Things are better. Me and two really cool guys may have found a place on 37th and belmont. Good stuff.
Two: If you want a jump start on my birthday for next year, you can take me out to see a movie being released the day afterwards. I'm not going to give away what the movie is, but... let's just say it involves teenagers, who also happen to be mutant turtles, but who ALSO happen to be ninjas. No joke.

15 minutes of internet time aaaand....

2006-06-30T14:11:00.000-07:00

Only one response so far. Sent off a lot of e-mails, hopefully I'll get a few more numbers before I leave. Because. Just because.

Bad... doing bad...

2006-06-30T13:32:00.000-07:00

I'm at the library right now. After this I will go home, change, finish packing my stuff, then leave for work. After I am done with work, I will go... where? I don't know. Today is my last day at the house. I literally have no where to go after today. I'm sure I can crash somewhere for a few days, but I've never been as close to homeless as I am now...

Also, I interviewed for an assistant manager position at a childrens shoe store. The interview went great. The next one went great. I took a personality test for the job. You know, Lita, you were there. I passed. (Which is great, because how do you tell someone you failed a personality test?) They ran a background check. I was on the schedule. THEN the district manager, (A dude) said, "Wait, I'm not real comfortable with guys working with children. Let me meet him before you offer him a position." They already had, at $12 an hour. I had already put in my two weeks at nordstroms. Five days after my last day there, I met the dude. It was an interview, which I was suprised about. I thought I was in the clear. The day I met him was SUPPOSED to be my first day there. Interview happens. I leave but hang out in the mall so I can hear how it went. I'm sitting outside, and a couple of girls I know come outside. One girl is named Sarah, she works at a sprint kiosk right outside of the shoe store. She goes back inside. I'm chatting with her friend, and she tells me the dude from the shoe store walked out and offered Sarah the assistant position at $15 an hour. Almost literally 10 minutes after he interviewed me. His reasoning for not hiring me was that I didn't have enough management experiance. Bull crap. The girl he offered the job to? No official management experiance AT ALL. So now I have one job. Working 8-15 hours a week. And no where to live. This is an official pity party, and you are all invited. There will be a barbeque and cheap beer. And live music, a band by the name of I'm Going to Cry Myself to Sleep Tonight.

I painted a picture a little bleaker than it ACTUALLY is, but not much.

So long, and thanks for all the fish...

2006-05-29T23:19:00.000-07:00

Anyone remember me? Anyone even check this thang anymore? Anyways, managed to find some internet time today. Bob, Lita, thanks so much for hanging out with me last night and today, I had quite a bit of fun. There really is more to life than work and boxing. That's all that I have time for. I miss people. This is the first time in probably two months I've had more than about five minutes on the internet. I'll try to get more soon.

2006-04-07T00:49:00.000-07:00

My brother Daniel and my brother, um... Arius? have some seriously funny pictures on their myspace pages. Go there, you will not regret it. Sample text from an online conversation with someone who looked at them...

missy j says:

ok, so far, he doesn't look near as scary.

Whip Town says:

I'll do my best. The wine in my pants post should keep me for a while, as well as my name.

missy j says:

he looks like a big burly angry muscle man in his default photo

Whip Town says:

Yeah, I know. He never looks like that, either.

missy j says:

i'd even go as far as to say he almost looks like my bro in two of the pics

missy j says:

omg

missy j says:

omg

missy j says:

omg

missy j says:

seriously???

missy j says:

hahahahahahahahahahah

missy j says:

ahahahahahahahahahhaah

missy j says:

ahahahahahahah

missy j says:

ha

missy j says:

hahah

missy j says:

wow.

Whip Town says:

Uh... yeah, I'm gonna have to claim responsability for those.../

missy j says:

that's it, i'm done

http://profile.myspace.com/index.cfm?fuseaction=user.viewprofile&friendid=18874124

http://profile.myspace.com/index.cfm?fuseaction=user.viewprofile&friendid=33830251

Loser post

2006-03-31T07:11:00.000-08:00

I'm a nut bag, because I stayed up until six in the morning playing, get this, ONLINE SCRABBLE. And I liked it! Seriously, I don't even like being with me.

Bryan Free? HE was playing tonight?

2006-03-31T03:03:00.000-08:00

My birthday is over. I got a few... unexpected... gifts? Also, I'm 24 now. Hmph. Still no socks. Special thanks to Melissa, Missi, Amanda, Joel and Janaki for being so effing great. Also Bryce too, but he gets his own shout out for the shot of tequila. And I learned that unlike when it is properly masked, 151 burns like hellfire.

2006-03-12T16:57:00.000-08:00

Sooo... my 24th birthday is coming up soon, and that's scary. How the hell did another one come up on me this fast? Where has the year gone? Lost amidst beer, sleep and work, not neccisarily in that order. I fear to think of what another year will bring. Hopefully I am on an upswing, though if this recent two week long sickness is any indication...

I am going up to Seattle the weekend of the 25th to visit my cousin Megan, that excites me. (It just occured to me that I may not have told you, Bob and Lalita, that was an oversight on my part. I meant to, I really did.) We will be celebrating our respective birthdays, and I will be glad for that. Seattle trips always rejouvinate me like nothing else.

Hm. Others are waiting for the internet, and giving me glares. I gotta go. I'll write again in another half a month. I just remembered also, I promised someone very close to me a beer, and I have yet to produce... I'm sorry, Tiffany, be paitent with me!

How can you say you've really lived unless you've tried them all

2006-02-03T17:38:00.000-08:00

"She said I'm sorry for the hell you've been through lately, wondering were I've been, what kind of trouble has she been in." -Dance Imperative-

So I tried cutting my own hair for the first time in my adult life, and I thought it turned out okay. it was uneven, of course, but I was expecting that. And in this neghborhood, it's somewhat stylish anyway. That is, until Lalita got home and saw the back of my hair, and started laughing. I got a mirror and looked at the back of my head. I had cut up to (Lita counted) 17 almost bald patches in the back of my head. Melissa offered to upgrade it for free. I may take her up on that offer.

I am driving sparingly. I'm not going to go into too much more detail than that, suffice it to say that were I to be pulled over, I could be arrested and charged in excess of $1000 in fines. So... that's enough of an incentive for me to bus it for a while.

I'm working at the Nordstroms cafe now, which isn't exactly thrilling. And seeing as how my car is basicly dead to me now, I may not be able to do the carpentry deal. That sucks. That also means that I need to find a closer, better job now, because if it needs to be long turn, it needs to not be where I am right now.

Sorry, that's all I've got for now. There are some things I feel like writing, but those are the kinds of things that usually get critisized off my blog as being "more real than we really wanted." My words, not theirs.

Awww, peaches!

2006-01-05T17:57:00.000-08:00

Things aren't all bad.

They aren't all good, either.

I had a great time in Walla Walla. Aside from feeling like I was caught in a taffy-puller, I enjoyed all the friends, coffee, games, and unexpected portlanders over the week-and-end. The crowning moment was church on sunday. It was very emotional and impactful, and it very nearly pushed me back over the edge. And God. And the Bible.

Perseverance.

Here's what I think. I think we should all abolish secret blogs and make them all public. Say what we mean, remember that we are not supposed to be quick to anger, but quick to forgive, and be HONEST with people, for Christ's sake. I've enough encounters with people the last few weeks to have put me on this train of thought, that in all our relationships, we have our own agendas. When we get hurt, angry, dissapointed, anything, it is because our own needs were not met. I like the phrase disillusioned. It is our illusion of what we think things are supposed to be that sets us up for disaster. Alternatly, our own agendas in relationships hurt other people. We approach things how we think they ought to be approached, with little to no consideration of how it affects other people. You know what? Screw it. I'm not even making coherent sense to myself. I've once again lost interest in a post.

I do think we should abolish secret blogs. We are all adults here, let's be open with each other. Amen.

It's the most... wonderful time... of the year...

2005-12-22T12:34:00.000-08:00

Christmas. Another glorious christmas. Time spent with family, (Which usually involves fighting, but what the hell, they're family, and I love them all the same.) with friends, and hopefully with a whole lot of booze. Just kidding about that last one. Most certainly not a good time to be without gainful employment, however. It sort of limits my spending options to, um, well, nothing. So if you got a gift for me, return it, or eat it yourself.

I'll write more later when Adam and Cherise aren't expecting me. A great present this year would be, of course, a job. I'd better get on that.

My brush with death

2005-12-12T18:57:00.000-08:00

Let it be known far and wide that Michael Whipple does NOT, in fact, have cancer. The brown splotch on the back of my neck is benign. They took a biopsy to know exactly what it is, but it is nothing serious. (Oh yeah, by the way. Some people got worried that it was cancer and made me make an appointment to the doctor. In case you didn't know.) The worst thing it could be is a thick, discolored patch of skin that could become velvety. Which is weird. I hope that doesn't mean fur. I don't want a large, thick patch of fur on the back of my neck, velvety or not.

Record breaking and eggnog lattes

2005-11-24T12:50:00.000-08:00

I think I just broke the record for most comments. And none of them spam. Apparently they don't spam dead peoples blogs.

It's odd being dead. Not at all like I imagined it. It's really quite a bit like regular life, actually. No light at the end of the tunnel, not even a tunnel. I feel a little cheated, actually.

Eggnog lattes are disgusting. I'm sorry, they are.

I'm back?

2005-10-15T16:23:00.000-07:00

Hello all, posting from the van. Very close to P Town now, and I've got a lot of stories to share. Sometime soon I hope to get some pictures up to share with y'all. I'm so excited to see everyone soon!

Post oppertunity

2005-10-14T00:44:00.000-07:00

I'm in a 15 person van coming back from an amazing two weeks in Texas. It feels so good to get out of a selfish existance for a while and do something unadvisable but rewarding. I can't wait to get some pictures uploaded to show you all.

We rebuilt a house. A tree had fallen on it, four out of the six rooms had all but collapsed. It was fantastic work for the conditions we were in, and were able to bless a family that had so much happen to them reciently.

Anyways, someone else wants the laptop, so I gotta go. Hope you all have enjoyed the last three guest posts.

Merriam-Webster Word of the Day

2005-10-04T13:12:00.000-07:00

caterwaul v. - 1) to make a harsh cry 2) to protest or complain noisily

Your job: Use it in a sentence. I'll go first.

"Ouch, the spider bit me!" Whipple caterwauled.

Top Ten Things Michael & Team May or May Not Be Doing in Texas and/or Louisiana

2005-10-04T13:01:00.000-07:00

10. Learning how to pronounce words like New Orleans and Louisiana the right way: N'YAWlins and LOOzeeANuh.
9. Dressing up in TUTUs and fairy wings with his team to amuse themselves in their off-time.
8. Wearin' cowboy hats and takin' down trees in 90-odd degree weather that feels more like 100.
7. Consequently, going through several sticks of deodorant...we would hope...
6. Whistlin' Dixie.
5. Sleeping camp-style, minus FluffyPuff marshmallows under their pillows for secret eating.
4. Walking on the wild side, touching Black Widows...for fun.
3. Making friends--Texans, Louisianans, and people of other geographic persuasions.
2. Making fun of the guy who expected Donald Miller to be on the team.
1. Praising God and making people smile!!

Once Upon a Time in Houston

2005-10-03T13:00:00.000-07:00

Once upon a time there was a Whipple named Michael. In the fall of his twenty-third year, there were two hurricanes, Katrina and Rita, that went riproaring through the south of his country. Though he lived in a beautiful coastal state in the Northwest, he, along with members of his local church, made a quick decision to form a relief team. The team of 15 (?), without all knowing each other, prepared supplies and soon headed by truck and van to a southern city called Houston. The journey south took the team about two days. They left on a Saturday afternoon, and reportedly arrived in the morning of the following Monday.

Michael very much enjoyed the drive down to the land called Houston. He got on with his vehicle mates famously. When they got there, the Whipple expected great parts of the area to have been leveled by the forces of the aforementioned hurricane activity. To his surprise, much was still standing. The leveling had not so much harmed Houston, as it had the cities farther east. As a result, the team was granted internet access via a small coffee shop, allowing Michael to send an update home to his friends and family.

The work would soon begin. Teaming with a church known as Ecclesia, our Michael and his Northwestern companions would venture into more devastated areas to provide help in the form of construction...

::Stay tuned for updates on the Two Week Texas Adventure::

New king Whipple Translation: The Bible Aint So Hard to Figgur Out!

2005-09-17T16:16:00.000-07:00

The book idea, Adam. The book idea.

My cell phones are no longer in my possesion, so iffin ya want me ta call ya, send me tu nombre.

My hair looks flippin' sweet.

My manager wants me to get my chops back, and I'm considering it.

I've a place I can go to, rent free, if I want to. I'm seriously considering it.

I'm working 16 hours tomorrow, straight through. Fun.

I'm broke. Broke broke broke. Always broke.

Anyone want to buy a car for cheap?

I hugged Travis yesterday, and his elbow or something hit my chin and I bit my lip. Now it hurts real bad!

I have happy dreams and wake up unhappy, because I realize at some point they were just dreams.

My life isn't how I want it to be, but this is okay, because I was never really in control, was I? I mean, I am in my decisions and stuff, but God's purpose will not be defeated, so ultimatly He is in charge.

Should I write that book? Would anyone read it? Would anyone publish it? Would someone write a counter-book called, "Decoding The New King Whipple: Michael Whipple Drinks Sometimes and Probably Picks His Nose." I don't think my reputation could stand that kind of slander.

Don't break the napkin!

2005-09-14T14:05:00.000-07:00

I ended up hanging out with Janaki, Amanda, Joel, Bryce and Johan last night at the Horse Brass, and had a lot of fun. It was good, because I was a little lonely as it was, and unexpectedly meeting up with good friends makes me feel good.

This morning I had a class for Shift Supervisor training, and I thought it was at noon, but it turns out that I was confusing Saturdays class, (12:00-4:00) with todays class. (9:00-3:30) That sucks.

I want to write a book, be an author. I think I could do it.

I lied, Paul let me stay.

2005-09-13T20:03:00.000-07:00

Amazing man, this Paul.

If all life will ever amount to is owing someone something, then it's really not worth it. I think that's why God frowns so much on debt, because we're not supposed to be in it. That includes sin and whatnot. We are not in God's debt. Free gift and all that. I am not living the life God has intended for me. I am not a consumer, I most likely will never buy a new car, it'll be a long time before I can, or will buy a house, and I refuse to get caught up in the "I want to buy new things because they are new things and I must have new things in order to be complete" game. (I do occasionally get caught up in the "Heartthrob" game, but that's just because those guys are so dreamy!)

Lord, my prayer is that, even if I am unmotivated or bummed out or whatnot, that I will remember that I live my life not for myself. That there are greater things at stake. I want to be a living sacrifice for you, and sacrifices are never easy. And so I say that with the realization that my life will not be easy. I won't have what it takes to be a "successful american", because that will not complete me. My friends and the people close to me won't complete me. Because in you I am already complete. Thank you for delighting in me, and forgive me for not delighting in you. Forgive me for having an affair on you, and turning to other things to fill whatever needs in me need to be filled. God, come to my rescue, save me from my enemies and restore me to the paths of rightousness.

So... what do we do now?

2005-09-13T19:51:00.000-07:00

I don't know if things go from bad to worse, or if they go from different to, um... more different. I'm not too clever a judge as to what's good and bad for me. Is that bad? Anyways. I just read a book where the author says that life is not a journey approaching a destination, but a journey. We always live with the expectation of getting somewhere, but really, we are just being taken from one thing to another. Destination heaven. At times, now included, I just kind of want to give up. Not like, die or something, but avoid avoid avoid. I've written this before, I know, and most likely I will write it again. Maybe I'm depressed or something. (I don't say that lightly, I exibit various signs of it.) That's weird, because I'd laugh at anyone that tried to tell me that I'd ever be... depressed. But I guess it's real, that sometimes wires get crossed in your brain, little sparks aren't connecting like they should, and it throws your life out of synch. Nothing you can do, really, except get help. Not to be confused with those that are like, "Oh, I broke a nail. I'm depressed." It can be legitimate, but it can also be a crutch, and an excuse.

Anyways, I'm probably not, but I'm REAL unmotivated. We shall see what we shall see, I suppose. I do know I'm not giving up, that's not something I would do. Not in this state, anyway. I think things are just building until I explode into... something.

Did you guys know that, even though there's a lot of people on this planet, hundreds, in fact, that God has a very specific plan and purpose for them? Like, God is real excited about what we can do for them. In church this last sunday, the Pastor spoke out of Psalms 18, and it was real great. About how God get's angry FOR us, and comes to our defense. And it says that "He delights in" us. Delights. Regardless. If that's not encouraging, I don't know what is. Also his nostrals make the mountains twemble.

Goldrush is closing, I don't think Paul will let me stay.

Hum

2005-09-12T12:43:00.000-07:00

Debra and Travis got back last night, and that is good, because not only does that mean that I will no longer be alone half the time, it also means that the two friends of mine that stole a house key, used it to break in several times, clean my living room and open all the drawers and cubbords in the kitchen will no longer be able to enter my house when I am not there. Which is scary, regardless of who it is doing the breaking and entering. I knew they had a key, though. There was no other explination.

Also, in the span of five seconds, I incurred another $1000 debt. As a response to that, I went to church the next day and tithed. I decided that God really needs to start taking care of my money, because I owe too much now to handle it myself. And if my friends out there could pray for me, that'd be great. Not only am I behind on my bills, I'm so far behind I'm close to becoming homeless and committing a minor felony.

Tu Madre!

2005-09-03T15:11:00.000-07:00

Thanks to Lalita and Bob for a wonderful dinner and great beer. Thanks to Allie for being there, and for Alyssa for coming with me. It was great fun.

My car TOTALLY had another problem yesterday and today. It seems as though another hole blew out in one of the hoses, so again water and coolant spewed forth in a great geiser of scalding hot liquid death. This morning while attempting to tape over the site where I THOUGHT the hole was, I located the actual hole, which was in a very hard to reach spot, thus sayeth the Lord. I made it to work, but I had to stop three or four times to let the engine cool down a bit, because it kept overheating into the red. After work, my dad randomly stopped by to see me, so we went to Napa so he could buy me a replacement hose. (Because he's my dad and he loves me and I am penniless.) I spent over an hour removing the hose and replacing it, because of the location of said hose. But I managed to get it done. And my hands were so covered in car blood that they were completly dark, and my fingernails were black, and I was cut a bit. But it always feels real good to me to work on my car and get dirty. I dunno. I guess I feel like a man. Or something. God be praised.

Abram = Abraham

2005-08-30T15:51:00.000-07:00

I read the story of Abraham today in the bible, and it seems to be one of the most jacked up, dysfunctional relationship stories in the bible. I am of course referring to God making His covenant with him. Read it if you get a chance, because... wow. First his wife has him sleep with her servant to father a child through her. He does, and his wife then gets ticked off at the servant. Then God tells him that he's a gonna have a kid through his actual wife, which is odd because she's like, 89 and he's 99 or something. She laughes at God because the idea seems preposterous, then lies to Him about it. So... during that time, they visit Sodom and Gamorrah, the cities that are essentially our modern world in morals and values and actions, except incest was more common then. Lot offers his daughters to a mob so he doesn't have to give up angels for them to sodomize. Lot's wife gets turned into a pillar of salt for being an idiot, and Lots daughters get their dad drunk so they can bear his children. So their line doesn't die or something like that. Eventually Abraham and Sarah have a kid, (Which is both amazing and also gross, so I choose not to think about the specifics involved...) and God tells Abraham to sacrifice Isaac. (Oh, they named him Issac. Their kid, not God.) Abraham is ready to, but God, apparently changing his mind, but not really 'cause it was in His plan all along, provides an animal instead. Oh, also, in their travells, Abraham lies to a few people about his wife, saying she is his sister, (Which is a partial truth, because she IS his fathers daughter, though from a different mother.) so a king gets her in his harem, which is GROSS 'cause she is still all old and stuff. If I had a harem, it wouldn't include 80-100 year old women, I can tell you that right now. But I don't. And wouldn't. God curses the king by closing the wombs of all his harem and wives, and tells him that He's gonna kill him if he doesn't return Sarah to her proper place. Anyways. That's an amazing story of the kind of people God started His relationship with.

Try fitting all that into the song "Father Abraham". I wouldn't sing that even to MY kids.

Quotes

2005-08-24T14:41:00.000-07:00

Je suis le champ vil des sublimes combats:
Tantot l'homme s'en haut, et tantot l'homme d'en bas;
Et le mal dans ma bouche avec le bien alterne,
Comme dans le desert le sable et la citerne.

-Victor Hugo, L'An neuf de l'Hegire-

"The new will which I began to have was not yet strong enough to overcome that other will, strengthened by long induldgence. So these two wills, one old, one new, one carnal, the other spiritual, contended with each other and disturbed my soul. I understood by my own experiance what I had read, 'flesh lusteth against spirit, and spirit against flesh.' It was myself indeed in both the wills, yet more myself in that which I approved in myself than that in which I disapproved in myself. Yet it was through myself that habit had attained so fierce a mastery over me, because I had willingly come whither I willed not. Still bound to earth, I refused, O God, to fight on thy side, as much afraid to be freed from all bonds, as I ought to have feared being trammeled by them.
"Thus the thoughs by which I meditated upon thee were like the efforts of one who would awake, but being overpowered with sleepiness is soon asleep again. Often does a man when heavy sleepiness is on his limbs defer to shake it off, and though not approving it, encourage it; even so I was sure it was better to surrender to thy love than to yeild to my own lusts, yet, though the former course convinced me, the latter pleased and held me bound. There was naught in me to answer thy call, 'Awake, thou sleeper,' but only drawling, drowsy words, 'Presently; yes, presently; wait a little while.' But the 'presently' had no 'present,' and the 'little while' grew long... For I was afraid thou wouldst hear me too soon, and heal me at once of my disease of lust, which I wished to satiate rather than to see extinguished. With what lashes of words did I not scourge my own soul. Yet it shrank back; it refused, though it had no excuse to offer... I said within myself: 'Come, let it be done now,' and as I said it, I was on the point of resolve. I all but did it, yet I did not do it. And I made another effort, and almost succeeded, yet I did not reach it, and did not grasp it, hesitating to die to death, and live to life; and the evil to which I was so wonted held me more than the better life I had not tried."

-Saint Augustine, Confessions Book 8, chaps. 5, 7, 11, abridged.-

I got my car back I got my car back I got my car back!

2005-08-24T12:01:00.000-07:00

Lita and Bob are married now, that's QUITE exciting for me. Weirdly so. Watching them at the reception caused me to tear up a little. I'm very happy for Mr. and Mrs. Hamm.

I got the promotion, and that makes me happy as well. For the first few weeks there I will be getting 40 hours a week, about, what with training and all, and that's good, 'cause I don't think my next check is going to be much more than $100. Ah well. We shall see about that.

Anyways. Feeling uninspired. It was good to see you again, Adam.

My friend, so long...

2005-08-16T21:09:00.000-07:00

Sorry it's been so long posting, I was out of town for the weekend for a relaxing camping trip. And aside from the terror of triving a HUGE truck at 10:00 at night through the winding passes of Mt. Hood, it was quite nice. Though I almost didn't go because I needed to work so bad. But money is not the end-all of our lives, whatever.

Sorry to have miscommunicated in my last post, I was actually quite encouraged by that quote, and not at all disheartened.

I really don't know what else to write, actually... There mustive been some sort of anticipation for my next post, but um... I failed to deliver. Except, remember how Josh Albers used to always call his sister "poop stain"? That was quite funny.

The kingdom of heaven suffers violence...

2005-08-09T17:12:00.000-07:00

"It is not the critic who counts; not the man who points out how the strong man stumbles, or where the doer of deeds could have done them better. The credit belongs to the man in the arena, whose face is marred by dust and sweat and blood; who strives valiantly... who knows the great enthusiasms, the great devotions; who spends himself in a worthy cause; who at the best knows in the end the triumph of high achievement, and who at the worst, if he fails, at least fails while daring greatly, so that his place shall never be with those cold and timid souls who have never known neither victory nor defeat." -Teddy Roosevelt-

Though I am tired of defeat.

Driving a beat up truck...

2005-08-08T13:19:00.000-07:00

This last week has been a whirlwind for me. Like, seriously, so many random good and bad events strung together and happening in quick succession. It's been weird. Real weird. My car broke down, drove Trav's truck, that broke down, had to have it towed back to my house, had a friends dad take a look at it, turned out it was just out of gas, (Which I thought it wasn't, as I had it filled up but it wouldn't take any more gas.) it was just on the wrong fuel tank. It has two. I didn't know cars HAD two fuel tanks. But the other one had a leak, so we fixed that. Now that's running but MY car's still down for the count. No money to fix that. Seriously, no money. At all. But there has been many good things happeneing to me as well, WAY outbalencing the bad. All in all, a very, VERY good week. Thank you Tiago, because... well, because. You know why.

In passionate persuit of...?

2005-08-03T14:26:00.000-07:00

"When I was a Monk," he says, "I thought that I was utterly cast away, if at any time I felt the lust of the flesh: that is to say, if I felt any evil motion, fleshly lust, wrath, hatred, or envy against any brother. I assayed many ways to help me quiet my conscience, but it would not be; for the consupiscence and lust of my flesh did always return, so that I could not rest, but was continually vexed with these thoughts: This or that sin thou hast committed: thou art infected with envy, with impatiency, and such other sins: therefore thou art entered into this holy order in vain, and all thy good works are unprofitable. But if then I had rightly understood these sentances of Paul: "The flesh lusteth contrary to the spirit, and the Spirit contrary to the flesh; and these two are one against another, so that ye cannot do the things that ye would do,' I should not have so miserably tormented myself, but should have thought and said to myself, as now commenly I do, "Martin, thou shalt not utterly be without sin, for thou hast flesh; thou shalt therefore feel the battle thereof." I remember that Staupitz was wont to say, " I have vowed unto God above a thousand times that I would become a better man: but I never performed that which I vowed. Hereafter I will make no such vow: for I have now learned by experiance that I am not able to perform it. Unless, therefore, God be favorable and merciful unto me for Christ's sake, I shall not be able, with all my vows and all my good deeds, to stand before Him." This (of Staupitz's) was not only a true, but also a godly and a holy desperation; and this must they all confess, both with mouth and heart, who will be saved. For the godly trust not to their own Rightousness. They look unto Christ their reconciler, who gave his life for their sins. Moreover, they know that the remenant of sinwhich is in their flesh is not laid to charge, but freely pardoned. Notwithstanding, in the mean while they fight in spirit against the flesh, lest they should fulfill the lusts thereof; and although they feel the flesh to rage and rebel, and themselves also do fall sometimes into sin through infirmitym yet are they not discouraged, nor think therefore that their state and kind of life, and the works that are done according to their calling, displease God; but they raise up themselves by faith."

Martin Luthor, Commentary on Galatians, Philadelphia, 1891, pp. 510-514 (abridged).

Marivhon

2005-08-01T18:54:00.000-07:00

"alright, by Grisbanes 3 balls you don't have to go grabbin people."
"we're gonna snort what?"
"ok"

So what do I know, anyway? (Emphasis on the I, since I can't seem to embolden or italicize it...)

2005-08-01T17:51:00.000-07:00

"God is fully aware of the state the Bride is in." I have been reading some of the Old Testiment receintly, for various reasons, and found myself in Jonah. (I had to retype his name three times. Stupid, stupid me. One of the misspellings was Joonah. LOL, Adam, LOL.) Jonah was sitting on a hill overlooking Nineva, waiting to see the results of his message, when God grew a vine to shelter him. The next day, God killed it, and Jonah was pissed. To the point of wishing he was dead. God rebuked him by, in essence, saying that Jonah got his panties in a bunch over a vine he neither planted, nor watered, but yet wished distruction on a city of over 120,000 people. (If my numbers are correct...) God was angry with these people, but only because they were out of relationship with Him, and God cared DEEPLY for those people. Ouch, Jonah, be a little more sensative, jeeze. Later I was reading Haggai, a book about how people got caught up living their lives. God had directed them to rebuild the temple in jerusalem, and because they faced all kinds of opposition. So work ground to a halt, and the people began working on their own houses. God was, to say the least, dissapointed with what they were doing, so everything that they worked on was cursed. God called them to begin working on the temple again, and told them why they were being punished. Once the rebuilding began anew, He began to bless them. I found that to be interesting. Any punishment we recieve from God is intended to return us to a relationship with Him, then the pnishment stops. These people were focused on their own lives and comfort that they MADE UP words from God. "It is not God's timing for us to rebuild." Bullcrap, people. At all times are we to work on rebuilding the temple, the house of worship, the house that holds the very spirit of God. Let all other things be dammed. We focus so much on our lives, our problems, we miss the truth that God is really only concerned with our relationship with Him. Whatever we do. Uh... I gotta go...

The Christian Paradox

2005-07-29T18:55:00.000-07:00

I just read a refreshing article in Harpers Magazine, the august 2005 issue, about christianity in America. Titled, The Christian Paradox, How a Faithful Nation Get's Jesus Wrong. You can find a copy for the time being at Goldrush coffee, across the street from New Song. There really is something wrong with Christianity in America today.

Call me Captain Backfire

2005-07-27T16:01:00.000-07:00

Mmmmbop. In my abundance of alone time I've been blessed with, I've been reading quite a bit, and I think I enjoy it. I used to read a lot when I was a kid, due to the fact that I was mostly friendless. I would go to the Public Library on my bike, and bring home stacks of books, the most that the library would let me check out, and I would read them all. It was mostly Hardy Boy mysteries, however, so I don't claim to any sort of intellectualisim as a child. BUT I've desired for a while to be well read, and I guess in some christian circles I am, but there is a vast amount of other books out there I'd like to read, about the world, about philosophy, about religions, etc. Sometimes I feel guilty, because reading the books I am now, I feel smart, and it makes me feel good about myself, but that's not the reason I read them. Or maybe it is, I dunno, often times we judge wrongly our motives.

Anyways. Regardless.

William James writes, in The Varieties of Religious Experiance; A Study in Human Nature, "It makes a tremendous emotional and practical difference to one whether one accepts the universe in the drab discolored way of stoic resignation to necessity, or with the passionate happiness of Christian saints. The difference is as great as that between passivity and activity, as that between the defensive and the aggressive mood. (Here's the important section.) Gradual as are the steps by which an individual may grow from one state into the other, many as are the intermediate stages which different individuals represent, yet when you place the typical extremesbesides each other for comparison, you feel that two discontinuous psychological universes confront you, and that in passing from one to the other a 'critical point' has been overcome."

I take two, three years ago and today, and place them together, and see clearly all the 'critical points' that have occured within my life. Many, many. I suppose it is not up to us to say what 'should' have happened, or what we wanted to have happened, because we weren't there when God put the stars in their place and breathed life into man. It is simply up to us to respond to God in those situations, or respond to God IN SPITE of our situations. "If we accept the whole, shall we do so as if stunned into submission, -as Carlyle would have us- 'Gad! we'd better!' -or shall we do so with enthusiastic assent? ...But for religion, in it's strong and fully developed manifestations, the service of the highest never is felt as a yoke. Dull submission is left far behind, and a mood of welcome, which may fill any place on the scale between cheerful serenity and enthusiastic gladness, has taken it's place."

True dat.

Whipple is a novelty

2005-07-19T14:24:00.000-07:00

I've decided books ar very good things. I just finished reading a book called "Einstein's Dreams", and it was quite a good, thought provoking book. I wrote some of them down, put them in the book, and returned it to the author. We decided that we are going to continue to exchange books we like. Good deal, good deal. My left shoulder is also dry, cracked and peeling like it's going out of style.

Want to meet SEXY christians?

2005-07-14T12:41:00.000-07:00

That was the subject line in one of the e-mails I got in my junk mail folder today. I laughed out loud.

Also...

2005-07-11T15:40:00.000-07:00

My phone number has changed. Email me for more information, or I will call you with my new number.

Man looks on the outward appearance, God looks at the heart.

I'm tired of being misunderstood.

2005-07-10T13:58:00.000-07:00

It's such a frequent occurance in my life. I have to focus on the fact that most other people are misunderstood also, and sometimes there's not a damn thing you can do about it.

My name is Michael Whipple. I'm a fearful person. I often make wrong decisions, sometimes it's because I want to, sometimes it's because I'm afraid of making the right ones. It's a far less painful fall from the bottom of the ladder than from the top. I can be dishonest, but I recognize that and am working on that. I want people to think that I'm funnier or better than I really think I am, so I project that image of myself. Does that then make me that person? I hope not, because I'm more serious and analytical than people think. The only two things that makes me think I'm okay is that God's grace is limitless, and that there are people out there with far worse problems than I have.

Anyways, I was interrupted by a phone call that lasted for more than an hour, and shared Christ with someone I thought I'd never be able to share Him with. God works through us all, regardless of... no, in spite of where we are with Him. Goulet out.

Mad mad mad world

2005-07-08T09:43:00.000-07:00

London was bombed yesterday morning. Last I heard, 40 casualties, and a whole lot more injured. A co-worker of mine has a boyfriend in London. He is okay. She was relieved.

Sometimes it feels like my grasp on Christianity is tenuous at best. I don't want it to be that way, and sometimes it's not. Right now, it is. Yet I do know that when you surrender completly to God, what you experiance next is neccisary, and for a purpose. But you need to surrender completly to God, even if it is hard, even seemingly impossible. Dang. I need to mow the rest of the lawn.

No one is good but God

2005-07-07T11:59:00.000-07:00

I wonder what defines someone as "good". Priorities? Fun times? Good friends? Morals? Generosity? Fun weekends spent drinking? What place does God need to be in your life in order for your life to be "good"? (Not YOUR like you, I mean you in general.) I have a very, very weird and unfamiliar feeling right now. Anyways. Off to work.

I'm CLEARLY back now.

2005-07-03T11:15:00.000-07:00

All of you. Visit Red & Black Cafe on 22 and Division RIGHT NOW. Their coffee and salad and quiche is delicious together.

Camp was camp. I had a blast, of course. I always do. I was voted Staff Member Most Quoted, as all week long I was quoting Will Ferrell as Robert Goulet. By the end of the week from all ends of the camp the cry "Goulet!" was heard. You would occasionally see campers stop to stare at each other and say, "You, me!. Staring contest. Now! ................ You don't even blink, do you? .................. You win, you always do..." I had most of the younger kids convinced that my real name actually WAS Robert Goulet. (They all knew me by my camp name, Buzzard.)

Each day I awoke at about 6:00am, and tried to spend at least 10 minutes in the Word. At least, that was the plan. Which worked, the first two days. Each day afterwards I got up later and later, with the last two days someone waking me up minutes before the staff meeting began. One morning, however, I was up early enough to actually see the sunrise, which was amazing. Okay, actually, I saw bits and pieces of it through the trees on my way to and from the bathroom, and then I went back to sleep.

My co-counsellor, Peter, (Known as Peregrin) could do the best impression of Will Ferrell as Hari Kari, as well as a few others. We had a blast, especially the first night we were there, (The night with no kids.) We got together with Alex, and we were up until almost 2:00 in the morning running around in costumes. A Power Ranger, Spider-Man, and... a ballerina. I was spider-man, that's all I'm going to say. I'll try to get pictures up later.

Anyways, I've been on this thing for more than 30 minutes, so I'll post something spiritual later. Goulet!

I helped some people out today

2005-06-25T08:59:00.000-07:00

In conjunction with Starbucks and my friend Mary Beth, I went downtown this morning to feed some homless people a nice french toast breakfast. I was a little uncomfortable at first, just because it was a little unclear as to what we were supposed to do. But I enjoyed it. Not in the "I gave an hour of my life to poor people so now I feel validated in my rich lifestyle" kind of good, but in the "I am reminded of why exactly we are here" kind. The smell was offensive. It smelled like a room full of unwashed bodies, and it was a not-so-subtle reminder that THIS is the way people really smell. Left to ourselves, we stink. Sometimes pretty bad. But this is unimportant to them, because the concern for survival far outweighs the concern for an appealing aroma. On the way back, one of the people I was with made a comment about how she was starting to sweat. It just seemed... trite, after seeing all the dirty people this morning. I talked to a man named Anthony, who asked me what church we were affiliated with. I told him we were volunteers from Starbucks, but a few people went to church. He started asking me if I knew certain bible verses, and quoted quite a few to me. Far more than I've memorized. I mentioned that fact, and he said, "That's because those verses keep me alive. If I didn't have God, man, my addictions would have killed me a long time ago." As he left, he asked me to pray for him, that his addictions would kill him. I think about times I have to read my bible, how unimportant it is to me usually. I think about how I'll have time later, but the thing is... sin is killing me too. I don't really have any more time than he does. Not really. He hangs on to God, because if he doesn't, he's going to die. And who's to say that he wont? He struggles with drugs, homelessness, and probably sickness, but I've no doubt that the grace of God works in that mans life just as much as anyone elses. I watched Deepa, a district manager for *Bucks, and Amy, a store manager, talk to each other the whole time while putting pastries on plates. Servers walking around dropping trays on tables, going back to get more. Bussers cleaning and clearing tables, but with very few words exhanged. I'm trying not to be judgemental, but I'm pretty sure I saw some of the girls avoid touching certain parts of the trays, or avoiding contact with the people. I just wonder why people do things like this. I wonder why I do things like this. Does it really validate me? I wake up early to come to D-Town P-Town, help those less fortunate than me... how noble. Meanwhile the regular staff members are there six days a week, putting in far more hours than just one and a half. The depend on volunteers because in our great city of Portland, not enough people are willing to commit to doing that regularly. So often they do it themselves. A thankless job, really. Many of the homeless left without saying thanks to the people that give up part of their lives to provide at least SOME nourishment. Many of them ungracious, some of them rude. (Some of them with AMAZING hair. Seriously. One lady had LONG dreadlocks piled up onto the top of her head. She was also very big and white, with a lot of blue makeup.) I dunno. It makes me sad, because I want to do this more. I enjoyed talking with the people coming in for breakfast. I enjoyed helping them. I'd like to do it as often as possible, but the sad truth is that I would probably rather sleep in. I would be unable to commit to something like that, because my habits and routines are too well ingraned, and... let's face it, I really enjoy a warm, comfortable bed.

I feel inadiquate for the task. I feel unstable, because I'm passionate about a lot of things, but lack the depth to carry them through. I'm torn in my feelings, because on one hand, I don't feel very far removed from the destitute, but on the other I feel like I'm being condicending by going to help. I complain about my lack, yet... the only reason I get stressed out about money is because I don't have enough to do what I want to do. I have to park my car and only get the Acts-Of-God coverage on my car because I can't afford insurance. Dang, I have to take the bus. THATS where my stress from money comes, not from worrying whether or not I'm going to eat, or have a place to sleep at night. My NEEDS are provided for. *Sigh* Well, anyways.

This is my last post for a week, as I will be at camp. Peace out, y'all.

I'm not the REAL Dread Pirate Roberts.

2005-06-24T10:55:00.000-07:00

So, I've been driving around while wearing a pirate hat and a pair of one-eyed sunglasses, and today I worked in that get-up. It's been quite fun, but for a stunt designed to get massive amounts of attention, I sure didn't get a whole lot of it.

I got your network right here...

2005-06-22T21:39:00.000-07:00

Is it wrong of me to want to DANCE? Dance, as though I've never danced before, and I'll never dance again? Seriously, though, I'd rather take dance lessons than drum lessons. Well... maybe. Maybe not, I dunno. And I could wear my pirate outfit, too.

A few things...

2005-06-22T16:10:00.000-07:00

1. There was an article in the oregonian (Today? Yesterday?) about a lost Leonardo Da Vinci mural that may have been discovered. Or maybe not, I dunno. Anyways, it was an interesting read.

2. Yoko Ono is showing off a lot of John Lennon's artwork at Pioneer Place this weekend, (Though I doubt she will be there.) so if anyone is free Friday night, I will most likely be going. It is also free, which is why I will be going.

3. I saw Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles the Origional Movie last night, and I had forgotten how awesome it was. Wow.

4. I think there were a few more.

5. But at this point, I don't remember them, so oh well. Wtf, guys. brb.

6. Briget, call be back, yo. Talked to my manager today and all that.

7. Also, in August, Pedro is playing a show with Death Cab, the Decemberists, Built to Spill and Viva Voce. I want to go. Tickets go on sale this saturday. Anyone else want to go and score me a ticket while I am gone? Paybacks will be in order.

Mouthwash... add cranberries to it, call it cranwash!

2005-06-21T17:00:00.000-07:00

Robert Goulet, he is parodied by Will Ferrell on SNL. It's funny.

I was using mouthwash this morning, and I guess I was never taught how to gargle properly, because I always end up letting it sit as far back down in my throat as I can without gagging or swallowing. But this morning I think I went too far, because it burned in the part of my nasal passages that connects to my throat. As soon as I felt that, I choked a little bit, and it went up into my nose, burning me more than anything I've ever experianced in my life. On the plus side, my nose has excellent breath. On the downside, blowing my nose after that hurt like burning.

Sooo.... I'm wearing my flannel pants and my From Russia With Love shirt because ALL of my clothes are being washed. This is good because now I can be sure to put them all away clean, so that I start off this move with a clean room. But it is also bad because for today I look like an idiot.

The moon was bwilliant tonight...

2005-06-21T00:25:00.000-07:00

Sooo.... today was a vewwy good day. I wowked fow a wiwe, but it was okay, becaws it was a showt day. Then I went out fow coffee, and had some vewy good, ovewdue convowsations. It was weawwy nice to be abow to be honest with bowf mysewf and awso to be honest with my fwends. I wemembow how hawd it was to be so deceitfow, how much it fewt like I cowdent be fwiends with peopow, I mean, not WEAWWY. I had fwiends, but without me being abow to be open with them... It was vewwy howtfow, bowf fow me and, in the wong wun, fow my fwiends as weww.

It's also very distracting to type like that, and it's had to take myself seriously when I do. And now I keep adding 'w's to words that don't need them. Anyways. I think that's it for me, I just wanted to write a paragraph as though I was still in the 1st grade. Goulet out.

Focus on the good...

2005-06-18T19:35:00.000-07:00

I've got to stay focused. That's what I decided. I get so drawn to things in the moment, and my judgement gets blurred. That's one of the things that makes it hard for me to pray. The other day I went to Marine Drive, and parked where you can watch the airplanes take off and land. I used to go to that spot with my dad when I was a kid. My brothers and I would watch the planes come in, and run alongside them when they took off. That would be our outing, just that. We'd be there for a few hours, and go home. So I parked, and watched the planes. I eventually got out and paced back and forth and started praying. And it started to rain, a lot. I was prayin', it was rainin'... it was actually the best time of prayer I've ever had. I even cried, and I've NEVER cried while praying on my own. Ever. I just needed to remove the distractions, and get myself alone.

Jesus is more concerned with our hearts than anything else. I'd rather be a struggling christian than a complacent one.

3rd post for the night...

2005-06-15T00:34:00.000-07:00

http://www.aiyvee.com/etc/feelgreat.mov

You should also visit that link up above. Funny funny crap.

Oh... That's funny...

2005-06-14T22:48:00.000-07:00

I found this on an entry so old it's actually on my Livejournal. (On Wednesday April 28th, 2004.)

"Life continues to grow more and more precious to me every day. Thats actually one of the main reasons I'm glad I don't date. There is simply to much going on in and around me right now, and if I had to take my focus off of (Don't take this the wrong way) me and the world right now, I think I'd be depressed."

I found that to be interesting. That was a little over a year ago. (Obviously.) A few weeks ago, believe it or not, I was depressed. I agree that depression takes on different forms with people, and for me, I didn't want to leave my house unless I was with Michelle, and that because I wanted to work on the relationship that was failing. I found out today that one of my old friends had been praying for me during that time, and God had laid it on their heart to pray about suicide specificly. That's not something that I really dealt with, though there were days I could only think about the negative in my life, and how little I had going on for me. Suicide crossed my mind various times during those days, but I never really dwelt on it, never considered it seriously.

What if that person hadn't been praying for me about that?

I'm an upbeat person, it takes A LOT to get me to be sad all the time. But when I am, I'm REAL sad. It scares me to think of what could have happened had that person not been praying about that. Because I believe prayer works, I choose to believe that their prayers guarded me against that. I may not have gone through with it, but I wasn't exactly very stable at the time, so... God only knows...

On September 24th, 2002 I posted:

"My new job is a waiter at a really spiffy italian restaurant downtown. It is called La Terrazza.
Anyhoot, onto some deeper stuff. In spite of the fact that I have quite a few hang ups, I am pleased with the direction of my life so far. The fact that I was accepted into the 3rd best teaching college in the NW, if not the country, is no small feat. (Especially when you consider the fact that I passed HS with a 1.08 gpa...) I did turn it down, but only because I have an oppertunity to go to the Philippines for 6 months, and can come back and hop right into college. That is going to be thrilling."

I was involved in a conversation with a dear friend of mine, and she asked me where I had thought I was going to be two years from... um, two years ago. That post was almost three years ago at this point, (EXACTLY three years ago, believe it or not, I discovered Homestarrunner.com. Wow.) but I was amazed to read that and remember what I was like back then. How much I've changed, how much of myself is the same, (Like, I still stay up until midnight writing when I should be in bed.) and how much my goals have changed. Well, need to go to bed, I just thought I'd share some interesting things from my past.

Test-quiz thingy

2005-06-14T21:44:00.000-07:00

three physical things you like about yourself.
1. Facial hair 2. My feet 3. That patch of hair on my neck

three physical things you don’t.
1. My belly 2. Zits 3. My crooked nose

three things that scare you.
1. Success 2. Falure 3. Bees

three of your everyday essentials.
1. Conversations 2. Human contact (In the form of physical touch) 3. Auditory stimulation

three things you are wearing now.
1. This question 3. is the 3. dumb one

three of your favorite bands or musical artists.
1. Aaron Sprinkle 2. Dave Matthews 3. Pedro the Lion

three things you want [have] in a relationship.
1. Communication 2. Humor 3. Integrity

three of your favorite hobbies.
1. Reading 2. Writing 3. Acting

three things you want to do really badly right now.
1. Leave Portland 2. Stumble across a million dollars 3. Eat cake

three careers you are considering.
1. Linguist 2. Teacher 3. Landscaper

three places you want to go on vacation.
1. Italy 2. Thailand 3. France

three things you want to do before you die.
1. Be married with children 2. Write a book 3. Learn AT LEAST four languages

Mmmm.... crisco.....

2005-06-12T16:35:00.000-07:00

It's been no secret that I rather enjoy the cheap frosting found in cakes from places like Fred Meyers. In fact, I rather don't like the really nice, well made frosting, which makes living at the Caputos hard. That's all that Josie makes. And, truly, she is a good cook. So when she brought leftover cake home today, I wasn't too excited. I imagined the frosting was smooth and creamy, the way most normal people enjoy it. But lo and behold, it was a Fred Meyer cake! With the cheap frosting and everything! After the actual cake went into the leftover container, I helped myself to the frosting that remained in the box. A heaping plateful. (There was also some cake remaining, don't get me wrong.) So I ate some, but couldn't get much at all down. I figured it was because I was full from lunch. After I put that away, I said the 10 words that would come to haunt me forever: "Josie, what DO they make this frosting out of, anyway?" She informed me that it was made out of crisco, and immediatly I remembered everytime my mother baked ANYTHING, crisco was used to coat the pan beforehand. She had a big tub of the white stuff, and I grew up thinking it was inedible, to be used ONLY for greasing pans. I became sick. Crisco. Big, white tubs of the stuff. Coated pans. Crisco. I felt fat, and immediatly brushed my teeth. I don't think I'll ever feel the same way about frosting again.

So... after THAT nothing story........ More on Romans 1-4 later. I spent over two hours reading just those four chapters, and wrote three pages of notes on them. Aren't I spiritual? God sure does love me!

Misguided, perhaps?

2005-06-08T14:38:00.000-07:00

Preface: I really don't think I'm a bad person. I was raised to be at least decent, and really, I'm quite nice. One of my strengths is, I believe, encouragement. To use Love-Language wordage, I employ words of encouragement. I truly enjoy noticing things about people that are nice, and commenting on them. I try to do this at starbucks. For women, I notice earrings, shirts, skirts, dresses, hairstyles, etc. For men tatoos, piercings, funny shirts, bulging muscles, (That last one was a joke.) etc. I like to make people feel good about themselves. It is not done with ill-intent.

That being said, I think I'm a terrible liar. Really, I've been lying my whole life. About many things, in general. I thought I got so good at it because I've lied to so many people so many different times. (This next part is a good realization.) But I realized that, in fact, it came from lying to myself. Lying so well that I am fully capable of deceving myself. That, my friends, is a dangerous thing. When you are able to do that and not even realize that it's happening... you begin to wonder what kind of person you really are. How many areas of your life aren't real.

I've been liked by people for pretty much an eternity. When I'm faced with the fact that someone doesn't like me, I think my pride gets kind of wounded. Like, I seriously don't know what to do. At this stage of my life, I'm pretty sure I'm not capable of letting that happen, but I'm not sure how to fix it. I can count at least eight people right now that don't like me. Some of them maybe even hate me. (Most of them with good reason, I assure you.) But I sit here and think, "If only I could talk to them. If only I could spend an hour or two just talking and explaining my mind, pouring out the deep part of me people often don't see..." Is it a need in me to be liked, or is it something else? I really can't tell. I almost scared myself into not attaching reasons for my actions, because those reasons may not be true. Here's what I can tell, for the most part. I value people. I really do. I'm not sure if it's much more than that. When there comes a time that, either by action or inaction, I show that I do NOT value someone, I have a need to change it. And, because my character, like most others, is flawed, there are times that I don't show someone the value that I place on them.
I don't know what place this value has in my life. Like, is valuing people more important to me than valuing God, or God valuing me? (And how DO you spell "valuing"?) I really can't say. Maybe it changes. Maybe some days I'm all fired up for God, and maybe some days I'm particularly weak and I give in to misplaced value. Should I be accused of caring about people too much, or do I really value myself more the more I'm liked? Is either one worse than the other? Maybe Tim was right, maybe I do need to figure myself out. Move, get outta town to a place where no one knows me, and I really have no value. Until I figure all that out, though, I would certainly rather be faulted for caring more about other people than about God, vs. caring more about myself than about God. If that is, in fact, what my problem is.

I do know that I won't give up in trying to make amends, though I know it's selfish and misguided.

Dang dang dang dang fudge shoot darn it ALL to heck!

2005-06-08T13:28:00.000-07:00

I just wrote a long post, long LONG post, and something friggan' TRAINABLE (My new word for retarded) happened. So I will simply post the last line of my lost post, and leave you all to fill in the rest.

I DON'T EVEN HAVE AN INTERESTING SMELL!

Tired of it all.

2005-06-07T02:04:00.000-07:00

Here's a quote from a recently discovered brilliant writer I know.

"I've been handling pain in one way or another my whole life. It's that deep down notion that I can't seem to shake, that something is fundamentally wrong with life anyway. No one is living completely whole like we were meant to, and sometimes that just really bugs me to the point of thinking I don't want to live my life if I have to live it imperfectly, surrounded by people who live theirs just as imperfectly."

Damn. If that doesn't make you sit back and think, I don't know what does.

Here's a preface. Many people in our circle of blogs have been tempted to move theirs because of the publicity we've been getting. And to that I say: fuck that shit. I'm so tired of living my life imperfectly. I really am. I'm faced with my failures, much more now than ever before. But I've lived the life where nothing was perfect, and I went on pretending that it all was, because that's what everyone else seemed to be doing. There's a world of hurt going on around us. So much shit is going down every day, and I'm tired of getting hung up on things like cussing. So much focus has been given to the way people live their day to day lives that we've taken our eyes off of how the rest of the world has been living. Sitting back in church criticizing believers and non-believers because of the stupidest differences, while all the while my generation (I can't believe I just used that phrase...) has just become more disillusioned. We grew up with an idea of how live as a christian was supposed to be. Hard. But the work of God is visible. We capatalize Christ, Christian, God, He, Him, Love, and everything else associated with God, and all the gays and abortionists go to hell. End of story. Then we hit about 14, discover that live is shit hard, go through 10 or so years of wondering what the hell is happening to us, while the only guidance we recieve is how bad we are for cussing. No wonder the youth leaves the church. No wonder churches stagnate and die. No wonder so many young people I know say they died at NS. (Yeah, I said it, because that's what people are saying. Deal with it.) I remember trying so hard and so often to get my friends to stop watching movies and listening to secular music, because of how much better off we would be not doing those things. How much better off would we be if we offered to pray with the homeless man asking for change, AND THEN GIVE HIM SOME GOD DAMN CHANGE? Where is the VISIBLE transformation of our lives? Working in childrens ministry doesn't cut it, if that's all you do. How 'bout letting God in ALL the areas of your life?

I'm tired of the compromise. I'm tired of being strictly right wing. I'm tired of waiting to do the work of God because I need to be "established." I will be the first to admit there is an order to things, and we can't all run around willy-nilly just because we "feel" that God wants us to do something. You know, there IS something fundamentally wrong with life. We were created for that relationship with God experianced only in heaven. We walk around on the earth with this TERRIBLE longing inside of us that we can't seem to fill. Adults point us to church, but here's the catch. GOD CAN'T FILL THAT HOLE. At least not yet. He does a bang up job, but as soon as we realize that we will ALWAYS, on this earth, feel that longing, the better. I know God can satisfy me, I don't deny that. But that part of me that longs to be connected to God for about an eternity remains. We are flawed. That flaw is sin, and the only way to deal with it is to turn to God when we sin. Not to condemn others for the sin that they do. When we're tempted with that, remember that we are also flawed. We need that reminder that we are fucking imperfect too. I won't live my life trying to match up to someone elses version of holiness, because that's empty too. Go to God. When confronted with the sin that you've committed, your reaction should be immediatly, IN THE MOMENT OF SIN, as soon as you realize it, turn to God. As bizzare as that sounds, THATS when God wants you the most. That's when the enemy comes at you the hardest, with condemnation, shame and fear. Don't 1. let yourself believe those lies and 2. DON'T become an instrument of the enemy and cause a believer to feel those things because they are flawed too.

I'm not going to make excuses for the way that I write. People come here to read what I write, I didn't invite anyone in. You don't like it? Don't read it. But persue holiness with God on an intimate level, and HEAR from Him, because you can. Don't be blocked, and don't block others.

So here's my blog. Not new, not moved. You were uninvited, but welcome, to read it. But I will continue to post my struggles and thoughts. You may not agree, and that's okay. Consider yourself warned.

Anyways, that's a lot. And yes, I'm still a christian. Even though I didn't use a capatal C.

45-lb. Human Toothpick Weds 400-lb Man!

2005-06-06T18:05:00.000-07:00

I wonder if they're talking about Adam? He is obese, after all.

Ummm.... so I have my car back, and that's all I'm going to say about that. Except that it was DARK at 10:00 at night, and I didn't think I had parked it where I found it.

I wish I had something else to write, but it's just not coming to me. Except that our semi-private blogs are beginnning to become not so private.

Ah...

2005-06-04T22:46:00.000-07:00

Has anyone seen my car? Because... after leaving work tonight I walked around for close to 40 minutes trying to locate it. Granted, it was dark and I may have passed it by, but I'm concerned it may have been stolen. So if any of you see my car being drivin by a chopless man with a full head of hair... lemme know.

Sorry Monster

2005-06-04T13:54:00.000-07:00

There's a picture on my phone of this green moster writing on a chalkboard. He writes "I'm sorry" over and over and over again. That was the background on my phone since I got it, and it always comes back when I change it, because that's what I feel like sometimes. A monster, with so much inside of him all he can say is "I'm sorry."

I sent off a letter today I should have sent off a long time ago. No, actually, I should never have had to send it off. I hope the address is still the same. I decided today that I don't like myself. I don't like who I've become. I'm certainly not blaming anyone for that, or even my circumstances. Just myself. I have been making bad choices, with no real excuse. When I sit back and think about it, (Which I've tried not to do, as it makes me feel bad, and no one likes to feel bad about themselves.)I'm suprised and shocked at the person I've been. The things I've done to people.

I was honest with myself today. Really, really honest. I sat at Jim & Patty's coffee place for about two and a half hours today reading the bible, writing and thinking. Meaningless, Solomon says, and I'm kind of understanding that now. Work with no purpose. Storing up wealth, living for yourself. I decided I didn't want to live for myself anymore. I also don't want to live for anyone else, because that didn't work either. I don't really know where that leaves me though, because I've never really understood how to live for God. I'm not quite sure what that means. I do know that I'm tired of doing things that don't last. Tired of accomplishing something, only to have it fade away, dissapear.

I think people get it wrong when they see God as someone always willing to accept us back, no strings attached. Merciful, loving, wise and good. Which, of course, He is. But what people fail to see is how Just God is. How good He is. How, really, there ARE consiquences for what we do. I think I've been living in consiquence for bad things I've done to other people. Were it to be something I did to myself, or just between God, I don't think it would be this bad. But I hurt some people that were very, very close to me. Inexcusable, really. A letter won't change that, and neither will consiquences. But to think I can escape a natural outcome for my own actions was foolish. I ran. Oh, how I ran from what I was afraid of, but it all catches up with you in the end. Solomon writes about how it is meaningless for the rightous to recieve what the wicked deserve, and vice versa. But it happens. I'm not saying I'm wicked, or even a bad person. But I've done some things that I think are very bad, and truly, right now, I'm getting what I deserve.

But I thank God. It's all I really can do right now. My dad told me that during crisis, during hard times the answer is to thank God for what is happening, and to praise Him. Not for the "oppertunity for growth" or whatever shit it is people feed you. Sometimes it really is an oppertunity. But thank God just because. Because you can. Because you should. Because He deserves it, regardless. I don't think anything that's happened since mid-september produced any growth in me that I couldn't have gained on my own, or without hurting who I hurt. But I thank God, because He is. Really, it's all I can do.

I do take one valuable thing out of it all. I no longer rely on people for my identity. Where once I found real value in relationships and friendships, I now know the end of that path. How empty it is. I love people. Always have and always will. But I've found contentedness in solitude and in God. I've, in a sense, reconnected with that introvert in me that's been buried. I value people, but only because they're people, and because God loves them. Not because of what they can offer me. And in that I see the value in making the hard decisions, of sacrifice.

I'm sorry.

360-241-5374
Prince_Chet@hotmail.com

Uh... actually...

2005-06-03T23:12:00.000-07:00

Mr. Anon ISN'T who I said I think it might be. It turns out it's not the second or third guess, but actually my first one, but I never vocalized that one, so now everyone is just like, yeah right, friggan' liar. Stupid friggan' liar, can't ever believe a word he says. Friggan' liar.

Anyways, went to the fireworks tonight with Gena, and eventually met up with A Caputo, (One of them, anyway.) Cherise and Alyssa. When it was just Gena and I, we were trying to find a bathroom, which is quite hard in D Town P Town. We walked around for a while, but since it was Rose Festival, there were various parties going on on the tops of several buildings. So we snuck into the one on top of the World Trade Center and found one. After taking care of business, we snuck into the party and walked around. We had noticed free food and drink, so we were trying to make our way there without making it look like we were sneaking in after noticing free food and drink and just making our way over there for free food and drink. But we didn't do a good enough job, because this lady who looked like she was three ladies rolled into one, (And boy was she rolled. Ahem.) started following us. She was seriously staring us down. It was kind of creepy. Then this man that was the size of this lady, (Which wasn't as impressive as the lady the size of... um, herself.) asked us if we were "supposed" to be there. I couldn't think of a story fast enough, and since everyone there was wearing hawaiian shirts and leis, (Even the children and infants.) I was pretty sure we looked out of place enough to make my story unbelievable anyway. So we said no and left.

The fireworks were okay, nothing more than I'm used to, but I still get filled with that kind of childlike awe when I see things exploding colorfully in the sky. So it was nice. And I found out who Gena's Ex is. THAT was a suprise.

Two things (Maybe more)

2005-06-03T16:54:00.000-07:00

1. Go here. Now. For sure. It's great. http://carmensandiego.ytmnd.com/ I can't do fancy linkage, so whatever.

2. I think I just found out who Mr. Anon is, but I'm not QUITE sure. And I think Mr. is a Mrs. Or whatever the married version of that is. She has a family and a blog, too. If my suspicions are correct.

Old habits die hard. So do old cars.

2005-06-03T09:49:00.000-07:00

First off, to Bridget Murphy, whom I should have responded to long ago, hello! It's really good to hear from you, and I want to hear all about you and your life! E-mail me at Prince_Chet@hotmail.com. Hit me back, yo.

I'm no mechanic. I'll be the first to admit that. When it comes to cars, I kind of tune out. Same thing with sports. Sports talk and car talk are two things I, for the most part, cannot handle. So when my car started with it's smoking problem, I hadn't the first idea as to what was wrong with it. When inspecting the engine with my friend Travis, we noticed that there was a hole in one of the radiator tubes, and water and coolant was escaping from there while the engine was hot. Easy to fix, says Travis. Except I seriously have no money to pay the $9 it costs to buy the freakin' tube. So I wait, and the hole gets bigger. Later on down the road, my car starts to make weird rattling noises, and starts to die if I go under a certain speed. (Only after driving around for a while.) While inspecting under the hood, I notice a plug that has become, for lack of better words, unplugged. Actually, I guess disconnected would be a better word, because part of it was still plugged in, it had just broken off. Friends agreed that that was most likely the cause of my car dying, so we wrapped a thin metal wire around it, and where it should be connected to, tying it all together. A temporary fix, at best, but it works. I've since driven to Napa, bought the hose that I needed, and replaced it. It felt good to work under the hood, getting oily and dirty. I even cut myself. But the piece was replaced, and I even ordered a new plug to replace the one that is broken. It felt great. My car would now be working properly, I was set.

Then why the hell was the entire engine smoking when I returned home? I figured it was because, after all that leaking, the radiator had run dry. I filled it with water and coolant, and immediatly noticed, down by the fan belt, water and coolant pouring out of some random hole that I am convinced should not be leaking. I take it into Mike Young, who I bought the car from, and it overheats on the way. He kindly informs me, (After much inspection and phone calls.) that the water pump is bad, it's going to be about $40 for the parts, and over $200 for the repairs. Many of you would think, "Oh, that's not bad at all!" but to someone who can barly afford $9 for some stupid hose, $200 is completly out of the picture. Sitting in his office, life seemed to be completly unbearable. I almost started crying. It felt like everything bad that could happen in my life was happening right then. My girlfriend and I had just broken up. I'm two (Now three) months behind in my rent. I owe $300 for a ticket I got while driving with expired tags and no insurance. I still owe for last months insurance. I hadn't had a full tank of gas in over two months. I still owe the dentist money. I now owe the school $1000. And I lost over $3500 in stock from Starbucks for being fired. I really felt like I had nothing, and I wasn't even sure if I was going to make it home that day. I looked onto his desk and there was one of those daily calanders, where you rip off a page each day. The inspirational message said something to the effect of, "Don't worry about what's going to happen to you in the days to come, because God has it all under control. He gives you strength for what happens today, not tomorrow." The date was August of last year. Why Mike Young hadn't changed his desk calander in almost a year is beyond me, but I instantly felt better. I owe so much money (For me, anyway. It feels like a lot because people keep sending me letters, and... well, I'm not sending them any money.) I feel like going down to Mexico, my car is breaking down, I'm unwillingly single again, but, God has given me the strength to deal with all of that for today. It's when I start to think about how this is all going to affect me next month, or next week, or where I'm going to be in a year that I start to feel like a fish out of water. But if I focus on today, and todays worries, that's when I begin to feel like God maybe does have it all under control. That's when I begin to think that I really can get through it all. So I have to stop being so anxious to get my next paycheck. Ugh.

If anyone has hundreds of dollars to spare, my e-mail address is posted above.

A better place

2005-05-31T12:41:00.000-07:00

I had fantastic conversations with many people last night, admitted some things that perhaps I should have admitted to myself months ago, and I'm now in a much better spot. So here's a funny story for you.

I was in my Starbucks reading the bible when in walkes George, a mentally slow gentleman who frequents our store. Usually he gets a big cup of water, sits around for a while, then leaves. (All the while drinking the water.) This day he got a venti (Italian for 20.) frappucino, sat in a comfy chair near me, and drank it rather quickly. I knew he recognized me, but he didn't say anything. When getting up to leave, he said, "What are you reading?" I said, "The bible." "Oh", he replies. He cranes his neck to look over me to see what book I'm reading and remarks, "Joshua, huh? Yeah. He kicked a lotta ass."

When did I stop doing what I actually WANT to do?

2005-05-30T11:49:00.000-07:00

I've lived a certain way for the last eight months. Had, basicly, a routine down that I enjoyed very much. Now that it's gone, I don't really have much to do except sit and think, which, actually, isn't that healthy for me. I need to go out and do something.

I went to Josh's wedding this saturday. It went off essentially flawless. I sat there, watching, and remembered what it was like to be full of ideals and standards, to have goals and achieve them. I cried, not because I was happy for Josh, (Though I was) but because of what I've lost over the last two years. Vision. To see myself going somewhere and to achieve it is something that I haven't seen in me for a while. No purpose, just living. There were things that I wanted to do, and things that I did, but nothing really fulfilling. It seemed like, despite my best efforts, living for something or someone else was empty.

I avoided people after the wedding. I went off behind the building and sat with my head in my hands. I just couldn't lie to people anymore. "How are you?" "I'm doing all right, I'm struggling with a few things, but I'm getting by." All I actually want to say to people is that I've screwed up my life over the last few years. Everything that I've touched has decayed, and I'm broken. I really have nowhere to turn to. I want to talk to people. I remember what it used to be like when I could actually tell someone what was going on in my life, and be proud of it. Struggles and everything. I had accomplished something with my life, and then discarded it.

So I sat away from people until they had gone. I want to move away, but I don't think that would solve anything. I want to keep pretending that I'm okay, but I'm really not. I feel like I need to be dishonest with the people I'm close to, because if they knew.... if only they knew... If only the church wasn't the way that it is now. Judgemental and condecending. If someone does something they don't agree with, then they are not as holy. They are not as Christian.

I like Aaron Sprinkle.

Useless

i think you see me
the way that you'd like see
a man that gets nothing done
i think you'd like me to be
as useless as i seem
and leave everything undone

(chorus)
but the little boy i used to be
he had a conscience you could see
and he held it in his hand
he did not understand
that he would soon be me

i think you'd like to know
a place that i won't go
and spend some time

you say you need a friend
to take you by the hand
and sit awhile

(chorus)
but the little boy i used to be
he had a conscience you could see
and he held it in his hand
he did not understand
that he would soon be me

if you could only feel this
it's nothing to believe
i ask an honest question
i get a silent scream

when i hear the answer
it's nothing i could see
if someone could have warned you
it takes much more than me

but the little boy i used to be
he had a conscience you could see
and he held it in his hand
he did not understand
that he would soon be free

So... what now?

2005-05-26T20:59:00.000-07:00

I think I've used that Title before. Oh well. I feel like that a lot.

Can't think of anything else to write, except ultimatly, all I want to know is... why?

2005-05-25T23:29:00.000-07:00

I can't sleep, because when I close my eyes all I can think about is how there were nights I would lie in bed on the phone for hours, not talking, because we were both sleeping.

In the Glorious Company of Bands of Heroic Men, Who Are Also Brothers

2005-05-24T11:36:00.000-07:00

Oh, and my many thanks to Lalita, Cherise, Rainbow, Bob, Adam, Melissa, Missi, Amanda, Joel, and the many others who have been so helpful and supportive these last few months. A little more for Cherise, Lalita and Rainbow, though, just because they don't really know what they've done for me the last two weeks. Thanks a lot guys.

Also, if you read the Oregonian, and you also read the living section, and you ALSO read the comics, be sure to read Pearls Before Swine on this day, the twenty-fourth, in the year of our Lord two-thousand and five.

Iced coffee good, iced coffee while eating a bannana... gu-gross!

2005-05-24T11:32:00.000-07:00

I had an amazing day it work today. It was so fun. I'm actually in a really good mood, better than I've been in a long time. I missed the relaxed me, the one that really isn't bothered by much, so I think I'm gonna try that again. A lot of free time today, let's see if I can be semi-productive. Anyone with ideas?

Here, so all the world will know.

2005-05-22T13:52:00.000-07:00

Dear Post Secret,

I... I just recently watched Little Women and... and I liked it.

Now that THAT'S off my chest...

To the anonymous poster: I did read the passage. That last comment of yours was a little too mysterious and cryptic, though. It was the randomness and timeliness of the first comment that impacted me so much.

In other news, my michael@whipple.net e-mail address no longer works. I still have the Prince_Chet@hotmail.com e-mail address, so if anyone needs to e-mail me, you will find me there.

Also, people, there is no need to freak out, I don't hate Star Wars. You guys all just need to calm down or something. Adam made it seem more dramatic than it is. Jeeze, cut me some slack. Besides, even if I DID hate it, so what? Don't get your panties in a bunch.

Michael Whipple is... (According to Google...)

2005-05-18T13:52:00.000-07:00

Whipple is joining NASA space team
Whipple Is The Best Whipple
Whipple is one of the only supercharging companies supplying customers
with custom chips
Whipple is a Professor Emerita at Rutgers, The State University of NJ
Whipple is unusually good at people
Whipple is spoken of highly
WHIPPLE is one of 46 Knox class ships honoring naval historian DW Knox.
Whipple is home to about 130 people, some old-timers
Whipple is lying on the ground nearby, unconscious.
Whipple is trapped in a state of electrical energy near the two space fleets
Whipple is a certified sex educator
Whipple is charming and at ease
Whipple is actually engaged in a double narrative
Whipple is a leading basket weaver in Round Valley
Whipple is a Board-Certified Adult Nurse Practitioner.
Whipple is, as Tom says, "rolling in fever patients - literally
Whipple is also his rival for Matilda's hand in marriage
Whipple is an unsung genius
Whipple is a four- to six-hour surgery
Whipple is a tiny ray of sunshine
Whipple is the guiding force
Whipple is a 12 year old girl
Whipple is alone on the bus
Whipple is the world's greatest living artist
Whipple is crying
Whipple is The Sexy
Whipple is dead
Whipple is closed, but it's not so bad.

Oh, and could the fourth commenter on my last post e-mail me or something, let me know who you are? That comment kind of jarred me a bit...

http://postsecret.blogspot.com/

2005-05-17T13:55:00.000-07:00

I found that blog off of Lita's blog. I haven't been able to stop reading it. Maybe I'll post some of my secrets on here sometime. It is a good reminder that we all have hidden parts to ourselves, doubts, frustrations, fears, etc. That we all struggle. Maybe not with the same things, but we all struggle. My biggest secret right now is that I love Michelle, I'd do anything for her, but I don't think it's going to be enough.

2005-05-11T22:37:00.000-07:00

Also, someone told me that with my hair and chops, I look like Justin Timberlake. Ouch.

It's 5 O'Clock SOMEwhere...

2005-05-10T20:06:00.000-07:00

Well, I don't really feel like writing right now, but I suppose I should force myself, seeing as how it's been YEARS, or I mean, WEEKS since my last post. So here's a few items.

1. I had a shit day. I went into work only to be handed my final paycheck. Officially fired. I then went to US Bank-o to cash said check. ($600) While in line, I realized that I had locked my keys in the car. After getting my money, I found that I had indeed locked them inside. In the ignition. With the car on. So I called the right people, and 20 minutes later someone came by to do about 30 seconds of work, for which I gave him $40. Next I drove to the insurance place to FINALLY get some car insurance. Well, aboout 10 blocks away I was pulled over, and my car was towed. I also got a ticked for about $300. Lame. Next I walk to the insurance place and get a policy. THAT was good. The next day I go to the DMV, get new tags, get the license under my name, go downtown to pay the towing fee, and finally go to SE to get my car out of the lot. I went from $630 to $8 the next day. Now I'm two months behind in rent, a ticket that (Hopefully) can be reduced to about half, and kind of a job. But more on that later.

I guess that's about all the energy I have to post, so no more items. I do have an income right now, but it's not exactly reliable yet. (No, I'm not selling drugs.) I was just informed that I left my headlights on, so I gotta go. I miss you a lot.

Pushed aside the feeling...

2005-04-08T15:48:00.000-07:00

I had a really hard day today. I have a feeling that it was a combination of things. I haven't been able to sleep very much lately, I woke up late today, got pulled over on my way to work, the officer didn't give me a ticket, but she made me take the bus the rest of the way into work and leave my car where it was, (Because I lack insurance {Still, danget.} and if she had given me a ticket she would have had to have my car towed. Pulled over twice in a month, it's time to get that freaking insurance.) I was late to work as a result, work was slow and I didn't seem to connect at all today, I was thinking negative thoughts all day, and to top it all off, I was eating chinese food when a Modest Mouse song came on the radio, and I had to get up and leave the place because I almost started crying. I seriously got overwhelmed. It was really hard for me today. And then I got an e-mail from Chris and Robin, they had their child. That's exciting. I think I need to sleep some more. I haven't been myself these last few days. I've been avoiding phone calls, staying in my room A LOT, (Which doesn't make sense because it's messy in there and there's really nothing to do...) But I'm going to church this sunday with Nick from the JB Starbucks, and that will be good. I'll be going to Imago, the 11 O'Clock service, in case you were wondering. And Caroline needs to get told what's up in the real world, because she really doesn't have a clue. Seriously, you're 17 and you get drunk. A LOT. Anyways. That's just what I wanted to vent about, I'm done. Off to bed.

Not deep, no hidden meaning, I just need an answer.

2005-04-03T00:31:00.000-08:00

I don't understand. People say they read about things on peoples My Space accounts, where the heck do they read them? What's the point of my space? I really can't figure it out. Blah.

I miss you too...

2005-04-02T01:05:00.000-08:00

I'm actually having a really hard time right now.

The first month was something I couldn't believe at the time. FIrst real relationship in a long time, with this smart, beautiful, funny girl. And she was paying attention to me. She thought I was interesting and funny. She used to say that I made her laugh more than anyone ever has. Everything was new and exciting, I spent the whole month feeling like I couldn't do anything wrong. I spent this last month feeling like I couldn't do anything right. I don't know at what point things got turned upside down. I'm not sure if it was the big "thing" that happened, the aftermath, peoples reactions or if it was... inevedible.

I cried so much that night. I didn't quite realize how much a breakup tears you up inside. Not much was said, we held each other and cried for a long, long time. Of course I keep thinking about things I could have done differently, things I could have said. There's not much I regret in our relationship, but one of them is being so sad this last month, because honestly, she didn't deserve that. I'm not sure WHAT would be good for her, or if that's something I'd ever be able to give her. Since that night I keep remembering places we'd gone to, or how every time we went out, we'd order one dish because that was always enough for the two of us. Or how she would call me almost every night because knowing I was there on the phone with her helped her sleep. Or things that she would say, or ways that she would say them. I remember how so many of the boys in Jr High had crushes on her, and so they liked me because of that. Allen joined my small group because I was her "special friend". How she would think so often that I took her seriously when she would make a joke, and how she would always say, "Baby..." and how she would say it. I remember the winter retreat with the Jr Highers, and how I got the girls in her cabin to get her outside right after midnight one night so I could suprise her and be the first person to wish her a happy birthday. She was so suprised she said, "Baby..." and sat down.

I really don't know what changed in me, when it happend, and what caused it, but I remember days in my life where God was so certain, even when nothing else was. I clung to Him sometimes out of nothing more than sheer desperation. But for a while now it's been a very nonexistant, unhealthy thing. Of course I try to tell myself in the moment that it's better than it really is, but it all comes out in the end anyway. Perhaps I traded it for something of lesser value. Perhaps I was not vigilant. Perhaps I was simply a dumb boy. Regardless, I've got to do something now. And now that I've suddenly got all this time on my hands, I've got the oppertunity.

"Left and Leaving" by the Weakerthans, great song right now.

Very, very large ache in my chest right now.

I don't know, something amazing!

2005-03-30T23:52:00.000-08:00

Yesterday I celebrated my 23rd birthday. Go me. They say life gets harder the older you get. If these last few years are any indication, I'm not surviving past 25.

I've really got nothing for you guys. I'm sorry, I wish I could say otherwise. I feel like all my energy is tied up into two or three things right now, and I've got no reserves for anything interesting on this right now. Let's just hope those few things pay off.

Two hundred and forty EIGHT, thank you very much!

2005-03-17T10:05:00.000-08:00

New news. Michael Whipple bought a car a few days ago. He has joind the masses, and no longer is bound to the schedule of Tri-Met. However, it needs new tags and insurance. In conclusion, here is a scary story.

Adam and I went to Zach's shack the other night, and I forgot my wallet. I went back, they had it, I got it, and pulled away. As I turned a corner, a police car, across the street, was turning the other way. As I turned, I looked in my rearview mirror and the police car followed me. He turned on his lights, and I was pulled over. For my first time ever, I was pulled over. I was scared. No tags, no insurance... He said, "Did you notice that you don't have a front license plate?" I said, "Yeah, actually, I just got this car a few days ago, there's still some things I need to get done on it." He asked for my license and went back to his car. His lights were directly on my rear license plate, so I knew that at some point, he was going to look up my plate number and see my tags. A few minutes went by, and he came back, handed me my license, and said, "Okay, thank you." I said, "No, thank YOU." And drove away. Scariest moment in the last month for me.

Michelle and I celebrated our six month anniversary last night. We dressed up, went to the Montage, Powells, and Papa Haydens. At dinner, without thinking about it, we both ordered seperate dishes. When we recieved the dishes, we both realized neither one of us was going to be able to finish even one of them. We were mad at ourselves for spending $10 more than we needed to.

So, I actually need to get ready for work now. I got 10 or so hours of sleep last night, the most I've gotten for a while. It was nice. Peace.

I didn't miss...

2005-03-06T01:39:00.000-08:00

New favorite Brian Free line.

"But I didn't miss the waiting,
and I didn't miss the feeling like I'm
overlooking everything.
I know it's not my turn to be the victim.
I wish I knew what that means."

I hate that feeling. Like I'm overlooking everything. What a terrible thing to feel.

Adam and I had a long talk tonight. Almost 45 minutes long. It was quite helpful and encouraging. Thanks for being such a good friend. No one else I know has ever been, or could ever be quite so honest and still be uplifting at the same time. At least, not in the same way as you. Quite a catch you have there, Cherise.

"And if I fall in love it won't be like I planned."

Ha.

I'd like to let you all know I am in love right now. Six months ago a week from this wednesday, I started dating an absolutly wonderful woman to whom I am devoted to, and I've seen, felt and heard the presense of God in our relationship ever since. I didn't have any real reason to write that, except I just wanted you all to know.

So... if thats going to be it...?

2005-03-03T22:37:00.000-08:00

I've really got nothing to say. I mean, not that it matters, because it's not like I've got anyone to say it to, were I going to say it. But there is no it, so that really doesn't make any difference anyway. And I think I looked great, thank you for noticing.

I really need to brush my teeth...

2005-02-25T18:01:00.000-08:00

I opened this morning, a rarity for me. I also was at G Ducks house last night until about 12:30. So, that pretty much sucked. But I made it through okay, I had a three hour nap, and now I feel better.
The verse is Philippians 4:6 "Be anxious for nothing, but in all things, by prayer and supplication, make your requests be known to God. And the peace of God, which surpasses understanding, will keep your hearts and minds in Christ Jesus."

I knew there was something about peace in there. I've often wondered about peace. I have heard often that when you hear the voice of God, there is a peace that tells you it's really God speaking. That when HE gives you a direction, that peace is there to let you know THAT'S what you are supposed to do. I guess the more decisions I make, the less I'm inclined to believe that. I'm not even sure it's biblical. I'm all about peace. I believe that when you are doing the will of God, there will be peace. But I'm not convinced the decision making time is when you "feel" that peace. Like Joshua, when God was giving him instructions, He kept telling him to "Be strong, and of good courage." as though He were reassuring him. Gideon, when informed he would defeat an army with three hundred men, must have felt SOME level of... not... peace. But the perciverance, and the determination to do what you believe God is telling you to do...

For want of a Nail...

2005-02-17T11:33:00.000-08:00

My legs hurt real bad! After working out my legs Tuesday more than I usually do, and not streching at all, my legs are in a state of agony right now... Like, it hurts to bend over, I can't touch my toes and I can't take as long of strides as I'm used to taking. Moral: Remember to stretch.

San Francisco was fun. Teatro Zinzanni was amazing, I reccomend it to ANYone interested in anything Theatrical. The show changes every three months, if I can make it back next time I will. Could become a regular thing, who knows. The rest of the trip was pretty good. We drove back up through Napa Valley, that was nice. The weather was in the 60's (I think) and clear sky, so we were going to stop at Clear Lake to go swimming. By the time we got there, the weather had taken a turn for the worse. I had had my heart set on swimming, however, so we pulled into, I kid you not, the most white trash town I have ever seen in my entire life. But I was determined. I got changed, and, and jumped in. I promptly got back out, as it was colder than any water I've ever been in, (It was a weekend of firsts for me.) and a local told me I mustive lost a dare because that was reputed to be the coldest lake in California. Glad I found that out.

That night we cut across to the coast, then north to Brookings to stay the night with Michelle's cousin. I drove through some seriously crazy roads. It was dark, foggy, rainy, and scary for me to drive through, seeing as how it was my first time across roads like that. At one point we were behind a truck that was moving slower than I would have preferred it to move, when Michelle and I noticed sparks on the road behind the truck. What happened next was surreal. We watched the wheel, still attached to the truck, move out from the truck. Something had gone horribly wrong, and the truck pulled over. I had to swerve (Is that how you spell that? How the hell do you spell that word?) into the next lane to avoid hitting the tire. Still attached to the truck that had pulled over. Seriously bizarre.

Anyways. The rest of the trip was uneventful. Long, but nothing of note happened. I think that's it for me.

It's not the destination, it's the journey. No, actually, the destination will be pretty sweet too.

2005-02-10T11:10:00.000-08:00

Defenitly driving down to San Francisco today. Did you know Francisco is spelled Francisco and NOT Fransisco? I found that out today. AND there is a San Francisco in Argentina. That makes sense, because most other countries want to emulate America, so it makes sense that those mexican countries would copy the names of our cities.

Holy crap, that made me laugh. I don't really believe that, it was a joke, and I realize that Argentina is not a "mexican" country, so get off my back, ape. Don't look at me with that tone of voice.

So I've just been driving around. Alpha Romero, vroom vroom! One to four in under sixty. Seconds. Gears! Life get's decidedly harder as I progress, because I become less and less comfertable with how I live my life. I dunno if that's something that God put in us so that we welcome change and unsettlement in our lives, or if it's just me. But as I get older, things that seemed to work out for me just... don't. Or it begins to thin, and wear away. Like using an excuse over and over. I used to be late a lot and use tri-met as an excuse. Now that I'm on time a majority of the time and someone ELSE uses tri-met as an excuse to be late, I realize how lame that sounds. I know how to get there on time on the bus if it's REALLY important that I be there on time.

I feel like I'm changing and adapting to a new way of living; making decisions that affect my life, and someone elses. I question this though, whether or not it's valid. I'm not a married man, I've no one to answer for but myself. I've not always made the best decisions in my life, but I managed. I just don't neccisarily think that I have a right to decide anything for anyone else right now. As much as I'd like to take control... Sometimes I feel like I should. Sometimes I feel like I should allow God to take control, and sometimes I feel like anyone besides me should take control. I don't think I'm really content to be "Michael, the extrodinarily nice guy that simply EVERYONE and their mother likes" anymore. One time, before the Mighty in Spirit confrence, someone told me I was supposed to be like Mel Gibson in Braveheart, strong, couragous, commanding, with blue face paint. (I made up the last part.) I dunno. I have this image of the Lord as a warrior, fighting for us, the battle is the Lords, He's already won, etc. I sometimes forget that I am in a battle. That everyday I fight for what the Lord has put in me. I remember the desires of my heart. Sure, I want to become a teacher, to encourage young men and women to pull through, to stick with school, to not let society dictate what kind of person they should be. I see my role there as taking part in a great battle. Especially as a christian on an ever increasing secular school system. But at the same time, the desire to drop everything and become a missionary is as strong as ever. The desire for the competition of theater, boxing, the things that I always wanted to try, but now... I realize that the amount of things I WANT to do in life VS the amount of things I WILL do in life is unbalanced. But what are my priorities? Number one at the top of the list is God. That's like a list unto itself, with nothing else included on there to compete. Number two, (Or number one on the less important things list, depending on how you look at it.) is Michelle. Sometimes when I think about our life together and what it could be like... But with the uncertanty of being a Christian, (and not knowing when God is going to ask you to fosake everything for the Kingdom, or if my plans actually ARE His plans, blah blah blah) I feel like I've come into her life to sweep her up and take her with me on this adventure. Like the guys in the western movies, riding up on their horses and WITHOUT EVER SLOWING DOWN they take the hand of the beautiful woman, swing her up onto his saddle, and ride off with her to God knows what. (Except I don't actually have a horse, I couldn't ride like that to save my life, and actually she's the one with the car. Her driving me around bugs me way more than I let on, I think.) What kind of life does SHE want? Time will tell. But for now, the kind of life I'm actually going to have has yet to be determined. Anyways, I'm pretty tired of writing, and I don't really know where I was going with any of this anyway.

Today was a day for me just to write out things that I was thinking about. It was disjointed and thrown together, so if you read it and are like, "What?" Don't you pay it no never mind.

My heart hurts, and I think a rock got caught in my throat...

2005-02-05T01:40:00.000-08:00

because every time I swallow, it feels like the saliva has to move around something lodged deep inside. That is unrelated to emotion, it's just weird. Like food just won't go down. Like that picture of a crane swallowing a frog, and the frog has his hands wrapped around the cranes neck. The caption reads, "Never give up." That's the food, man. It's like it's got it's (Wow... lots of "it's"...) chewed, moist, slimey particles wrapped around my chest. I need to drink more water.

I want to write something. I want to write something that will take everything that is bottled up inside of me right now and put it into such a perfect way where you, the reader, would sit back and say, "Oh. Oh, I see. Man, that's... that's a tough time, but I'm glad you have such a balanced perspective on it. And what you said about God's involvement was right on, bro." Maybe that's what I'll do whenever I can't think of anything to write, I'll just write what your response SHOULD be. Then you'll know I'm being deep.

Right now I'm mixed up somewhere between many different feelings. I can say this for sure. Most of my life I've been mostly happy and upbeat. I've remained cheerful in the midst of all kinds of things. This is the first time in my life I've been consistantly sad. I wake up in the morning and it just seems like the world isn't quite as bright as it used to be. I walk around all day feeling like I'm fighting just to keep my head above the water.

Thank God we don't rely on feelings. At the same time, I walk around all day with the joy of the Lord fueling me. I realize His part and role in my life, and right now my total and absolute dependance on Him is revealed. It's hard. So hard it makes me want to cuss. But at the same time, it's like this childhood memory of my father. He put me in a room all by myself because I had lied to him, and he told me no one was going to talk to me until I told the truth. It was obvious I was lying, and the only reason I persisted was because I was afraid. I was sobbing when I called my dad into the room. I had hardly started talking when he had gathered me into his arms and held me. All he wanted was for me to be truthful to him. He didn't WANT to punish me, but in doing so he revealed his love and commitment to me. And just like that it was back to normal. And that's just like God. We are seperated from Him only until we open up to Him and reveal our sinfulness. God hates that seperation more than we do, but He loves us, and is committed to us. That's what puts joy in my heart right now. Knowing that I'm right back there with God, resting in Him. Depending on Him. My head is above the water because He gives me the strength to make it that far. Were He to let me get all the way out of the water, I might feel that it was under my own strength, and forget His place again.

At the same time, I'm still sad, and will be for a while. But the Lord is my strength, and I know Michelle's commitment to me, and mine to her. She holds a very, very special place in my heart. I can't wait 'till she gets back into town.

WHen I get to heaven...

2005-02-04T09:50:00.000-08:00

One of my friends posted this on her blog. This is posted here WITHOUT her permission.

"God is so amazing. When I think back about all the crazy stuff that has happened in my life, all the difficult and crappy cirumstances and experiences, and then think about not only how great things are now, but also how well I was taken care even in the midst of all the bad..."

That encouraged me right now. There IS good mixed in with bad, and God is right there with us each step of the way. I've seen this girl grow through some of the things she lists, and I can only hope that God blesses me as much as I've seen Him bless her.

Diablo Martini

2005-02-01T18:57:00.000-08:00

Will Ferrel is one of the funniest men of all time. I'm not even joking.

I'm waiting for a call from Michelle, and there is a song on in the coffee house that I'm in with some sort of sound that sounds JUST like a phone vibrating. It's actually making me anxious.

What makes a person a bad person? I wish I knew the answer to that right now. I've spent the last two days, (Day and a half, anyway.) trying to convince myself I'm not a "bad" person. Dealing with sin and the consequences of it has never been fun for me. I'm trying to decide right now if I'm the right guy for Michelle. I've never been happier in a relationship. She is the best thing that's happened to me, I can say that and not question it now. (People, please. Jesus is on His own seperate list. Of course He's better.) But right now, with everything that's coming down, I'm having serious issues with whether or not her life with me would be the best that it could be. Would I make her happy? Could I provide for her in the way that she NEEDS to be provided for? My sins are ever before me, David says. All I can see sometimes is my falures, in my own life as well as in hers. I honestly don't think her parents think I'm a good match for her. Her dad said some things to me today that led me to believe that he may never give his "blessing" for our potential marrage. They have all these ideas, I'm sure, as to what kind of man they'd want for their daughter. I know my own frailties, I know my strengths and weaknesses, (For the most part) and I have this terrible, sickening fear in the pit of my stomach that once I fail this relationship, once I fail her parents, I wont ever stop. Like our life together would be a series of dissapointments, and Michelle would grow to resent, and even dislike me. I don't want to take away her only chance at a happy future, with a whole relationship with her family, a fantastic future with a man that will complete her and be the support that she needs. At the same time, I don't want to give up on my chance of being that person, and having that with her. My sin is ever before me. What kind of man am I? What kind of man am I growing into? What are my priorities, my goals, my persuits, dreams, ideals, commitments, obligations, values? What will WE be?

Piano

2005-01-26T20:45:00.000-08:00

Okay, sometimes I really don't understand why I undertake things that I do. I figure what I'm doing right now with music directly translates into real life. I've never learned how to play the piano. I'm taking a fundamentals of music class that is teaching the BASICS of piano, like sight-reading music and such, but really only as a way of understanding basic music in general. We are supposed to, by tomorrow, have learned eight measures of a song and be able to play it on the piano. I'm sure most people will have chosen something like... do-re-me, three blind mice, etc. Except for the people that have a background in music, I'm sure they will choose something more advanced. I chose Beethoven's Moonlight Sonata, First Movement. A beautiful piece, composed in 12/8 time. We just learned about compound time yesterday. I think I may be in over my head. 3/4 of what I have to play contanes information we either have not yet, or will not learn in this music class. But I'm actually getting it. Some stuff I have to look up, some stuff I have to assume, but I'm learning the keys, and I'm, SLOWLY, learning the piece. Unfortunatly I need to learn it by tomorrow and I've reached a point where I actually need help for it. I may not have it ready. But I will be damned if this does not work out for me. Part of my euphoric feeling comes from the thought that I may actually have a knack for something. I'm also, with work, able to match the pitch of the keys with my voice, which is exciting.

Things like that happen to me in all areas of life. It seems like I rush into things balls to the wall, without regard for planning or attention to detail, and for most everyone else that would turn out disastrous, but with me, Adam and I agree, things just have a way of... working out. I'm not sure what it is. Right now it feels like I've got a whole new life, and I'm headed in 20 different directions. At any given moment I feel like crumbling under the weight of all the different directions I'm being pulled in, but... like usual, I feel no concern, no fear. I'm constantly thinking, "It'll all work out." And head on. WIll everything work out for me this time? I hope so, because there's more at stake here than there ever has been. God has been with me this far.

Give me medicine or give me death!

2005-01-25T10:21:00.000-08:00

I was walking around the halls of school and overheard two girls discussing different pills they were on for various things, and I grew contemplative. Like, a whole four inches. I started thinking about how so many people these days are accepting pill popping as a way of taking care of their problems. Now, granted, sometimes they are neccicary, as in the cases of accidents, surgery, any dental work ever done, even when they floss your teeth because it HURTS like nothing else, and any other pain associated with teeth. But these days it seems like people invent hurts, social anxieties, and other assorted mental problems that they need pills for. I don't understand that mentality. How did people get along before pills? We've really got pills for everything these days. It seems like there is some sort of deeper issue in people, maybe, that they are trying to cope with. I dunno. Goulet.

My fingers are cold.

2005-01-18T11:25:00.000-08:00

I suppose it's been a while since I've last posted. (Most of my posts start out this way, it seems...) Here's a few things that have happened since. I got a promotion at my job. That's exciting. That means a $1.50 raise, and a transfer over to the 15th and Broadway starbucks.

Michelle liked her scarf, and I had a great time over Christmas. I spent the day with her family, and I liked that. It was a lot different than any christmas with my family. You coould even say better, but I won't, in case my family ever read this.

I spent new years at a Jr High camp. That was fun, except for the fact that I had like, 45 minutes of sleep the night before, and then very little sleep the rest of the camp. I got pretty close to a few of the kids there, too. Michelle's girls all found out that we were dating, and quizzed her every night about me, and would run up to me the next day and say, "We're not supposed to tell you this, but Michelle said..." and would proceed to tell me everything she would say about me. It was fun. All the girls there think I should propose now, and get married the next day.

I started school, and found out that I very much like History. I find it fascinating, and am really glad I'm taking it. Math sucks, and I'm going to need some additional help with it, I think. But that's okay. I've never been real partial to math, being a more abstract thinker, but I know a few literal thinkers who like math enough to help me. Weight training will be fun, and so will music.

I went snowboarding for my first time yesterday. That was fun. We, (The Jr. High group) went to Mt. Hood Meadows for the day. The weather was pretty lame. Lots of rain and wind. I did okay, better than I expected, but my bum still hurts like hell today. Oh, so does the rest of my body. I'd say, though, that about half my falls were controlled falls, though, to keep me from going too fast and REALLY falling. I'm looking forward to the next time I go though, because I had a good time. Michelle was patent with me, too, which was helpful. She also laughed at me, a lot. I'm glad she found it so amusing...

My relationship with Michelle is going swimmingly. Seriously, I'm almost constantly suprised at her. We are both growing in the relationship, and we are learning what it's like in our various roles. I love her, a lot. It doesn't seem like it stops growing, even when I'm frustrated or upset with her. There have been a few times where we've argued, or I've said something to upset her, or vice versa, but regardless of how I feel, there is still nowhere else I'd rather be than with her. In addition to loving her as much as I do, I'm growing to respect her more and more. She's smart, funny, interesting, driven, and committed to Christ's best in her life. I really couldn't ask for more. Did I mention how beautiful she is? Well, a lot. She is a lot beautiful.

That being said, I'm out.

Son of a...

2004-12-24T22:52:00.000-08:00

This is a transcript of my conversation with Michelle tonight.

Michelle: What do you want to do now?

Me: I dunno, I'm about ready to fall asleep.

Michelle: Me too, but don't you still want to hang out?

Me: Well, yeah, but how am I going to get your scarf done if I hang out with you all night?

Michelle: ...........

Me: ............

Michelle: You're knitting me a scarf?!

Me: Son of a bitch!

Yup, that's right, I blurted out what I was making for her. I was thinking about how long it was going to take me, and blah blah blah, and didn't think about how she didn't know... *Sigh* Oh well. So I showed her, and gave her her other gift, (A greeting card for each day she was gone in Whistler that I didn't see her.) She gave me another gift she had made for me, (A picture display for my personalized to-go coffee cup, so it's not naked anymore. *Phew*) and now she's reading my cards. It's going to take a while though. Seriously, it's like the equivelant of a 20 page letter. Jeeze. Anyways. Now, you know, I'm just here typing. Merry Christmas, by the way. It's been a good one for me, I hope it's the same for you all. I wish I didn't hate egg-nog. Maybe with rum it's good...

Uh-oh...

2004-12-18T13:13:00.000-08:00

I will be the FIRST to admit that the following link could very well be sacreligous, yet I laughed. I felt bad about it, but I laughed hard. It's like Mel Gibsons "The Passion", but without all the hassle.

http://www.jesus-action-figure.com/